Trust

I feel...like crying. My pride prevents me from shedding a single tear though. Why is it that in life, everything can go so right, but suddenly goes oh so wrong? :'( I just don't understand.
Today, I was humiliated, betrayed, angry, scared, and sad; all at once. I still feel those emotions now.
I used to like a guy who was a complete jerk, and I just don't know what I saw in him. All he has going for him is looks. And it took me awhile to realize that. But I now started liking K. He's basically perfect. I've always pictured myself being with an Asian guy, but K. is Indian, and has opened my eyes.
I've never really talked about the jerk I used to like with you guys, but I think you should know about him a little before I continue with why I felt those horrible feelings today.
I felt like I could trust my friends with the secret of me liking SF. (the jerk I used to like). For the first few days, they were like "ok..." but as time passed and they saw him in the halls everything went down hill. Every time they saw him they were like "Ooooh." or "Emiko! There he is!" :\ you can see how annoying that must have been for me because we pass him in the halls quite often. My so called friends made it so obvious that I liked him! I was just so damn pissed off. I still talked to him though. But as more time passed, and my friends kept up their childish behavior, he started to slowly stop talking to me. It went to the point that he even started insulting me. It made me quite miserable.
So once I started liking K., I just couldn't trust anyone. I didn't tell anyone. And everything was good. People still teased me a bit though because they like starting rumors. But it wasn't anything major.
Then I told my friend P. because I know I can trust her. Plus she trusted me with the secret of her crush, so in return I told her mine. Plus I have the feeling that she thinks that guy she likes, J., likes me. So she was really conservative with me, but when I told her that I liked K., it seemed like she was happy again. I guess she didn't have to worry that I would steal him from her. Not that I would, but some people just think that kind of stuff no matter how much you trust the person. I also told Luka-chan because she's my best friend. I feel like I could trust her. We're close... I also told Jo. because she had killer eyes when I didn't tell.. I got frightened. And eventually about 7 different people now know. How did it start from telling just one person to having basically everyone knowing? TT^TT I'm such an idiot.
Anyways, in gym today, was where all the drama and daje vu  happened.
[warning: I can tell this is going to be a long entry...]
Okay, so K.'s lunch period is right after mine. K. likes to go to gym during his lunch period. And on Mondays I have gym after lunch. So when gym started I was so happy. I wanted to talk to him. Stare at him. Hang out basically. But my stupid friends -__-, what troublesome beings they are. I sat near him, and my friends and I started playing a game. Then I got bored, and decided to walk somewhere else. Everyone of course followed me (I'm not sure why). I couldn't get alone with K. at all though! Which pissed me off. Anyways, I passed by K. and became too shy to say hi, so I just kept walking. But my "friends" started shouting "Hi K.!!" and stopped to talk to him. I became freaked out/worried, and started shouting "What are you doing? Come on let's go over here." And K. was freaked out because like 5 people he didn't know knew him, and started crowding him. I was like "> < Oh my god." I felt like dying right there. I just pulled them away, but stupid Luka!! She stood there with that evil bitchy smile of hers. I stood at the other end of the gym, and started motioning for her to get her fucking ass over to where I was. (I am letting you know that I am getting angrier and angrier with each letter, so I might start..cursing a little.) But she didnt move an inch. I then went over to her, and started to pull her away. But that idiot! She didn't start walking, and she made me drag her. She was making weird noises too -.-;;. It was somewhere between a whine and a dying animal. K. was like "o.O;;" and I was like "ugh -.-" Luka can be such a drama queen, and Jo. finds her adorable for some reason...>.> she's nuts for thinking that witch is "cute." Anyways, after my several attempts to get my crazy "friends" away from K., L. (a stupid loser who is really annoying and perverted, and I for some reason hang out with him. He's also in K.'s class) started to notice and was like "Ooh! I know who you like. It's K.!" J. and L. has this weird determination to find out who I like, so that's why he made a big deal about it.
I was like "No.No.No! >~<" I felt like walls were closing in on me, and there was no where to escape. I was falling into a deep pit of darkness. I sat there watching everything I've worked so hard for fall apart right before my eyes. When I say "worked hard for", I mean I've spent so much time trying to get closer to K. But when my friends started to freak him out, that all went out the drain. I felt this odd squeezing in my heart, and my brain was collapsing on me. I couldn't think.
Finally gym was over.
I never wanted to go through that again. It felt like total de ja vu. It felt like SF. moment all over again!! I did not want that to happen; never ever.  I don't ever want to combine my love life and friend life together ever again. I mostly hang out with K. during after school activities. During after school activities, I'm like in a whole separate world.
I felt humiliated because everyone was making fun of me. K. saw how weird my friends were.  > <
I felt betrayed because of everything. I thought of Luka as my best friend. And even though everyone contributed to my misery (everyone embarrassed me in front of K.) Luka was the one to lead the attack. Everyone has just been cool about everything, until Luka started causing ruckus!! You know how sad it is when you can't trust your own best friend? I really need to rethink my choice of friends.
I felt scared because I don't want K. to stop talking to me like SF. did. I like talking to him...When I'm with K., all my worries just seem to...disappear for those few fleeting moments. I ...he makes me happy.
And I felt sad because I was humiliated, betrayed, and scared but I can't do anything about it. I want so badly to rewind time.
Why did I name this entry trust? I'll answer that.
I'm a nice person, and people tend to take advantage of that. I never get angry and I'm very go with the flow kind of person. I give people way too many second chances. And Luka just killed hers.
When I was younger, like elementary school young, I had developed some...trust issues. I got betrayed way too many times, and it just seems like I haven't learned my lesson yet.
I just hate that I can't find a friend who I can truly trust.
I have a feeling that Luka is out to ruin my life. I remember she was so nice. But now she always looks at me with this look of jealousy, and her tone towards me isn't the same. Plus, whenever I ask for help on a school question, she insults me and then tells me the wrong answer -__-. What a nice friend right? *sarcasm* I can't really name any other examples as to why I feel that Luka is this way towards me, but I just get this feelings radiating from her. You know what I mean?
Sigh~ life just isn't so good for me right now.