I'm Too Empathetic

I was going to blog yesterday, since some...funny things happened xD. However, I ended up getting distracted by something, so I'm sorry ;A;.  Better late than never though, eh? ;D
Yesterday was a very..oddly emotional day for me ^ ^;;. I experienced the weirdest feeling I've ever felt before O^O. And it's made me realize that..>___> I'm too empathetic, even for a female. Which is incredible, since I rate like a 3 on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the most) on all female traits, so to have too much of a female thing is amazing for me :P. By the way, I say empathy is a female thing because despite how many girls may protests, we're all a bunch of softies with too much emotion bouncing around inside of us xD.
Anyways, let's get to the story of my empathetic nature, shall we? :3
So I've mentioned to you people before that I've been getting into dramas pretty recently. Yea, I don't know why I didn't find dramas sooner >w<. Haha, so I recently started watching this one drama called Easy Fortune Happy Life.

I've only watched three episodes, so I can't say much of what the whole thing is about. However, I have read the summary of it, and shall put the story into my own general words :). Easy Fortune Happy Life is about an old man (whose name I don't remember) who is super rich, and he has terribly spoiled rotten children. His grandson just as spoiled. They are all cruel, selfish, and greedy. However, Xie Fu An (the main character), is a kind village girl, who happens to be the grand daughter of a woman the old man used to be affiliated with (i dunno if the grand daughter is his or not x___x). Okay, so the old man is dying soon, and wishes to make his family to be nice like Fu An. So yea, he comes up with this whole scheme thing, and so on.

Easy Fortune Happy Life is a Taiwanese drama, and I really like it >w<.

WARNING: Now, from here on out, I shall be talking about my feelings in watching this drama. That means I'll be mentioning specific details that may or may not ruin the drama for you (depends). If you don't like spoilers, than I'm afraid you should stop reading now ^ ^;;. Go watch the first three episodes, and come back xD.

...you've now been fairly warned, and notified.

Anyways, when I was watching the first episode I was like "What's going on? ;A;" LOL I always get confused in everything. I'm a ..slow person xD;;. I mean there was this Asian girl riding a bicycle, and following this ambulance. I thought she was worried because she knew the person in the ambulance, but then they showed she was smiling. I was just like "sadist >___>". But then it made sense when she was only following it to go to the hospital to meet her crazy friend, and for the person inside of it. So once I got settled into the story of this village girl, I was like "Oh this is interesting, and the main character, Fu An, is nice :D." 

It was all funny and happy in the beginning. But when the drama got to the part about their grandma..then ;A; it got all serious and sad. Fu An has her grandma and little brother. They're all poor, and live in this shack thing. While Fu An and her brother was cooking (which by the way was only sweet potato soup (or something with potatoes), and it was very little, and not filling, and just sad D:), the grandma showed her metal box thing. It had this watch, and she was having a flashback.
She was a young girl, who met a young man. He had got caught in an animal trap, and hurt himself. She had fallen in love with him, but he had to soon leave. However, before he left, he gave her a watch. The watch symbolized his promise to come back to her one day. He told her to wait for him. And this grandma lady waited for him for nearly 60 years, and he never came back ;___;.

And so at this part, I started bawling like a baby TT^TT. It was just so sad. I have this real bad habit of putting myself into the shoes of the character. Sometimes, like while watching this drama, I can really make myself feel how the character feels, and I get so emotional. That's called empathy. I have the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. At times, this can make me seem like a really cool person because people who come to me for advice feel really comfortable sharing with me since I don't make them feel alone. However, for times like this, it can be really bad because I can start crying instantly, and won't be able to stop.
I felt so sad when I thought about how terrible it must be to love someone so much as to wait for them for so long. And after waiting so long, you find that he might not be coming, is just heart breaking ;A;. I started crying, and it was so annoying since I can't read the subtitles when my eyes are all blurry TT___TT. But then it started talking about how the grandma is still happy since she has her grandchildren, so I started bawling even harder. Because anyone would feel bitter and upset, but this grandma stayed so hopeful and loving. It was so moving, that I started to cry harder. OTL I'm so weak and emotional.

Then my dad looked at me, and was like "Is that Emiko?! Oh my god, I didn't recognize you for a moment there. I was like 'what is that weird noise?' and saw you. Are you crying?! Oh my god!!" My dad started freaking out, and laughing. It was just embarrassing =____=". He sounded like a total girl with all those "oh my god~"'s >___>. My sister came over too, and then my whole family was staring at me. It wasn't pleasant TT_________TT //shamee.

Then I started watching the second episode of the drama the next week after XD. Yea, I love watching dramas, but there's never any time for it x____x. //that suckss~. In the second episode, I thought "Okay, so this one should be past the sad stuff, and back to the funny stuff :D." But the stupid episode ambushed me with another crying attack ;A;.

These two guys had to come into their house to steal this plant from them (a very expensive plant). While trying to get the thieves out, they had knocked over this fire thing, causing the house to catch on flames. Fu An wasn't at home at the time, so she couldn't help her brother or grandma. Fu An's brother was able to escape the fire. However, the grandma had foolishly went back into the fire blazing house to go retrieve the watch from her past, and she had gotten stuck there; inevitably dying. Then Fu An comes, and finds out from the doctor that her grandma had lung cancer, and didn't have much time left anyways. There was a letter that the grandma had left Fu An.

I started bawling at this ;A;. At this moment, I tried to do my weird "get into the character's feelings" thing again. Surprisingly, it was difficult to me :T. I've never had anyone die in my family as of yet (or not any family member that I personally know), so I don't know how it feels for someone to die. The next best thing I could do was picture someone who I really care about who is of equal value to Fu An's grandma; which in this case is my dad. I STARTED BAWLING WITH NO END! It was so terrible, and I'm never picture my dad in this situation ever again TT___TT. What made it especially worse was the lung cancer detail. My dad is a smoker, and everyone in my family all know it's bound to happen one day (but he can't quit because ..well it's hard ^ ^;;). And the detail about how the grandma didn't have much time to live because of the cancer. So I kept crying and crying, and sobbing. It wasn't pretty ;A;. Then the little brother was like "Big sis, please tell Grandma to wake up. I don't want her to be dead." It's the most used line everywhere. But yet, I couldn't stop the next wave of tears from coming. I pictured what I would do if one of my little siblings did that, and the whole scene just got a whole lot sadder. I had to stop the video here. It was getting too sad for me, and I found out that my dad was video taping my whole crying moment on camera =______________=".

Anyways, I won't get into how badly I tortured and killed my daddy ^__^ right now, I'ma focus on the main events :>. I'm going to focus more on the second episode right now.

Yea, I'm a total daddy's girl :P, so shut up~ with any of your "awww"s or whatever. I don't know though. At the time, I was crying so badly. After I saw my dad video tapping me, I tried to explain it to him. I was able to calm myself down to a slight sob; where my voice was just a bit croak-y. I was able to stay that way for the whole story, but once I got to the final part about how I started crying because I imagined him dead, I started to cry all over again. TT^TT and he started laughing at me, and was like "It's okay, Emiko. That won't happen." And then my dad had the audacity to go out and smoke!! Gosh, that guy can be really despicable sometimes xP. As I was talking to my sister, I couldn't stop crying. But the even weirder part was that I was crying and laughing at the same time! I was crying because of how sad I was, and I was laughing because of how much I was crying. It was so weird. My stomach was hurting, and my eyes were hurting at the same time. x___x not pleasant.
As you can see, I'm not used to crying.

I'm the oldest child in my family. And ever since I was little, I was not allowed to cry. Well my rule to myself was that I could not cry in front of others, especially my little siblings. I mean the responsibility of an older sibling is that you have to protect your little siblings. For instance, when mommy and daddy where having a "loud conversation" (aka an argument), I couldn't be the one who cried for them to stop. I had to be the one who was calm; the one who would console the little ones to stop crying. I mean, you can't really convince a little kid to believe everything is okay, if you are crying yourself :\. Dealing with that kind of responsibility has really taken its toll on me :T. Even though now, when the arguments have ended, I still haven't let myself cry for anything, or at least not in public. ...>___> there's this part of me that still wishes to show no weakness. Yea, I'm a tough cookie :3. Eventually, I've learned to laugh at everything, and keep my cool (but I still have a serious face!! so don't think I'm all fun and games :P). But after having everyone see me cry because of that drama is so embarrassing >____<. I've let my family see my tears! That's terri...actually, it wasn't that bad. . . they didn't make as big a deal as I thought they would. LOL They all laughed at me xD, but... for a strange reason, I feel that they were laughing with me, instead of at me. Dunno why I felt this way, but I did. I wonder..if I'll let myself show that kind of emotion more often :T... probably not XD. I can't cry in front of my friends, that's just stupid ^ ^;;. I'm a tough cookie outside, but at home, I'm all soft and chewy xDD (if that makes any sense).

The messed up part of this all is that my entire family said I look really cute when I cry. Haha, if this is true, than none of my friends will get to see that "cute" side of me XD. But that kind of confuses me. Ever since I was little, and up to this very moment, I always believed people like really ugly when they are upset. I LOVE it when people are happy and smile. Anyone, and everyone looks beautiful whenever they smile :). I believe that with all of my heart. So to say that I look cute when I cry just defies all logic of mine whatsoever :P. I think I look hideous when I cry, and I still do :T.

Another stupid thing my family told me was that "crying is a good thing because it helps clean your eyes out; which is healthy for your eyes."

=________________________= no. no, I refuse. Crying is never good D: because it always takes forever for someone to stop crying. And that is so much time not used on smiling. *shakes head in disapproval. crying is awful :V