Finding Myself in this Hazy Weather

You know, to be honest, I don't like this time of adolescents at all~. Being a teen is baffling.You're too old to be a child, but too young to be an adult. And during this time of confusion, you have to be able to find yourself as well. The worst part of it is that when I was a child, I thought I already knew myself. Now, I'm told that I haven't discovered anything at all? Whenever I think about stuff like this, I come to all sorts of conclusions about myself. Afterwards, I feel pretty accomplished, but only to find out two weeks later that I've changed into a different self. And I have to go through how many years of this nonesense? LOL. Not sure what to do about this, so my only solution is to blog! haha XD.

Okay, so far in my life, I've established that I'm a fun and happy person with a weak sense of will power. LOL. I've also confirmed that I don't really have the face or know-how on being one of those cute-sy Asian girls. Like have any of you realized that Asian girls are really really cute-sy? o3o. I'm asain, and like.... I can't be cute at all. I'm more of a "HAHA. That's adorable. Nice try, kid *pat pat" kind of cute. LOL. Thus, with this kind of mentality, I have become witty and coolsies and perhaps, a little bad ass-ish(?) :'D.

BUT HIGH SCHOOL HAS DESTROYED THE LOGICC about myself.

LOL because lately, I've been trying to act cute ;A;. Like not neccessarily trying, just have been. I think it's because all my guy classmates have like suddenly realized that I'm not some scary smart lady, so they've begun to tease meh D; In the beginning of the year, I was like quiet and proper during class, and everybody had this idea that I'm some super ingenius person who's way above their level. LOL. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? XD Stupid lil' meh was seen to be smart? Haha, then I started doing group work with people, and everybody was like "OMG. Emiko is just like meee." LOL. And somehow that gave invitation for boys to be messing with me ;A; because apparently, I'm really fun to tease.
So my natural instinctual protection sequence is to act cute and be like "Stahpp it~. You're being a meanie pants~." AND IDKY. LOL. Like what the fuck is a meanie pants? XD. It's like "MHMM. That's right. Your pants are mean~!" no. That just doesnt work o3o.

OH! And aside from trying to handle attention in less retarded ways, I've started talking like real ghetto-ish. LOOL. I'm just like "This ain't gonna work no more" or "That guy be cray cray." But a wannabe-cute, witty, comical chic can't be talking ghetto. It doesn't work that way ;A;.

I believe this is what one would call "finding oneself." Eughh. D; Harr.

Lately, I've been upset though~ because all them stupid ass boys be picking on meh D;
Like apparently, I'm not a girl to them, but still a girl. A girl leaning toward the manly side. or something like that LOL. And it's like everyday, I gots at least one guy telling me I'm fat, stupid, or manly. It's like gawsh ;A; people are so harsh. And I'm not even fat D;
It's really stupid. Whenever I say out right, "I'm fat", some guy would be like "You're being a stupid girl~. You're not fat~." Then like five minutes later, that same guy will call me fat. >3<;;
So I'm upset~ because trying to take all of that from like ten guys everyday just sucks~. And I mean like it shouldn't bother me, but it does. Getting bullshit from one or two people is nothing, but from many it's like ughhh. Of course, I understand they're just "teasing" or "messing around", but it still sucks. Like sometimes I just don't know :V. At some point, I will break down xP. Last Thursday, I just went all silent and gloomy because I didn't know what to do anymore. That's really weird for me too because I'm never quiet. Haha XD.
At the end of the day, it was really nice though. Because of uh... idk let's call him Chouchou~ (it means "pet" in French, and he's totes my pet ^^) . He took me "bread shopping" after going on and on about how he didn't like bread. LOL. I mean it's really nice when you're having a bad day, and then your friend acts all stupid, bat-shit funny on you xD. He came and saved my day unintentionally though~. Chouchou is that kind of friend who just makes you go "what the fuck? XD" the entire day because he just says the darnest things. haha.

Chouchou and I went to visit Pari-chan, bought some breadd (he forced me to buy bread because he "didnt want to be the only one buying stuff" xD), and semi-prank called Luka-chan. LOL. It was amazing :P.

OH. And last Friday was my one month anniversary with Nairb ♥♥♥.
The gift he decided to give me was himself. And I was like "OMGG. SO HAPPY~ I'll cherish 'it' forever ;w;". And my gift to him was myself. LOL. I put a gift bow on my face and everything. XD. We're an amazing couple. legits =w=b.

It feels amazing to be caught when you expected to fall...

Bad Girlfriend

I feel like I'm a really bad girlfriend. LOL.

I mean I can be a good one at times, but most of the time, I think I'm pretty bad. Haha. Why does my boyfriend stay with mehh? I don't know. If girls can learn to date douches, then guys can too! XD.

Haha. It's like...he can never win a debate. He's always insulted. I refuse to share him. He's not allowed to insult me. I don't believe in his compliments. LOL. I make him hold onto my stuff. I quite often twist his words. I slap him. I dont allow retaliation. I get jealous easily. I "borrow" his stuff. I complain ...a lot. I pinch his cheeks... a lot. I sometimes expect him to solve my problems. LOL. This is just going downhill so fast XD;;. I practically abuse the poor boy.

Most of the time I'm just joking or teasing, but it must really suck for Nairb... like I was thinking about it today, and I just realized, I'm like really terrible ;A;.

Like the worst thing I've done so far happened today. I was on the subway going home today, and going home with Nairb is like the only time I ever really get to be with him since we don't have classes together, and that's still only 30-40 minutes. Anyways, my other friends was on the subway with us as well. Now here's the "pun". Instead of sitting next to my boyfriend and spending that little half hour with him, I gave him my book bag and went to talk with my friends on the other side of the subway cart. TT________TT. OH MY GOSH. THAT SOUNDS SO BAD. I was like doing homework, about to fall asleep, and this thought suddenly came to me.

I would love to explain myself with many excuses, (as in the process of trying to make myself feel better, I've came up with many) but if I say anything, it will just sound like excuses. OTL.

One of my excuses though is that I'm uncomfortable with verbal affection for guys. OMG. IDKY but I can totally tell a girl that's she's sexy and has a nice ass without any trouble at all. BUT. when it comes to telling my boyfriend the  phrase, "I like you," I can't say it without it sounding weird or something. OTL. Verbal affection to my boyfriend makes me feel so awkward >3<;;.

So in conclusion, I'm terrible. LOL. I'd like to hope I'm not completely bad though. xD;.

I mean, I'm the kind of nice girlfriend who puts cute notes in his locker and whatnot ^_____^.... but that's all I do. That's all I can do. OTL. because it's hard to say things face to face ;A;.

So I'm like sad.... xD;; because.... I suck D;

This is a Long One, Folks~

A couple of thoughts today, so excuse me if things seem a little frazzled.

If you're a long time reader, you'd know how important my friends are to me. They play one of the biggest roles in my life. I'm the kind of friend that'll help them through their problems for hours, kill whoever makes them upset in the littlest bit, and just generally love them when they feel all alone in the world ♥. I can't really explain why, but I just love people, especially my friends and family (eh... but I don't know about my sister... lol jk xD).
Anyways, the other day, I was going onto the subway train to go home. As I was going up the stairs to the train, I saw that it was about to leave, so of course, everyone rushed up the stairs to get on before the doors closed. When we all go into the train, Nairb did a head count, and at the last moment, when the doors closed, we saw that one of my friends didn't make it on Dx. For me, it was just like "Eh, whateverr~" because I'm just not close enough to him to really care XD;; //mean. Nairb, on the other hand, felt differently about it, and was like "I gotta get off the train and meet up with him at the next platform!" Obviously, it kind of upsetted me because I don't get to see Nairb often during school, so the subway ride is like my moment, ya know? Haha, but the strange part is, I wasn't mad or anything. I actually admired him for ditching me for his friend! Aha, plus, I think his face looked really cute when he was debating on staying with me or going. I don't know, he just looked so conflicted XD. Or at least, I think that's what was going on his mind :P. Anyways, I admire his devotion to his friend :O. It's really quite similar to mine. Reminds me of this one time when I got off the train (away from all my friends) to help stupid Aladdin take his sister home because he couldn't. BUT. His stoofid sister ended up finding somebody else, and didn't even bother to come meet me up to apologize to my face. She actually didn't apologize at all :V. That kinda pisses me off because I was planning on having a fun shopping day with BB and my other friend. LOL. But it was for Aladdin, my friend, so there's no helping it. LOOL. Yea, I can't say that with a straight face. "Aladdin, my friend". XD. Idk, it's like he's a close friend now, after all the shit he's  put me through we've been through, but it's just weird to say it. ANYWAYS, back to the topic of me admiring Nairb's devotion to his friends. (I swear, I get so off topic, I bet some of ya will get annoyed xD). I dont know. After yesterday, I think I like him twice as much as before :O. Because, people always say "Oh, pals before gals" or "chicks before dicks"  (whatever the case may be), but you never know if people ever really mean it. I mean, I feel like my friends are one of the most important things to me in the world, but I cant honestly say where I haven't put my boyfriend before them in some cases (but my excuse to that is a boyfriend is technically a friend as well. XDD. LOL So i was very conflicted as to what to do ;A; ). But seeing Nairb dash off the train showed he really cares about the people around him. It's quite beautiful :'). I really don't want to have special treatment placed on to me because I don't see how your girlfriend/boyfriend should have such a signficant difference in your heart compared to your friends.

My time after the subway ride home though was amazingg!! Eui-chan gave me a $10 gift card to an Asian backery nearby where I live, and I was totally craving cake! I must say, Asian cakes are really quite delicious!! I don't remember if I've shared this before, but when it comes to cake, I can be totally shallow. I only like to eat cakes that are pretty xD. I can't really say what I consider "pretty" for cakes, but I get so happy when I see really pretty cakes. I don't know why :O. And once I'm done fawning over this really adorable cake, I have to eat it. It seems kinda cruel and weird, and I can't really explain it. Oh, but anyways, my birthday was like two months ago, and I haven't spend a single bit of my gift card. Plus, I was really craving some cake at that moment! So BB and I went to go to the backer, and ordered some cake ♥♥. However, Asian backeries can be kinda stupid sometimes, so I apparently had to spend the gift card all at once. The thing is the cake there only costs $1 each (the tiny, pretty indvidual slices), or at the most $3. Haha, so BB and I both at like 3 or 4 cake slices. It was crazy! Man, was I stuffed after wards. I was really happy though Cx. Haha, this isn't really too significant, but I mentioned it because I totally want to share the pictures of the cake with youu. xD

It was just the two of us, BB and I, so when we ordered so many cakes, the lady gave us the funniest look. XD. I couldn't help but burst out laughing. But Asian people, my god! Even after thinking it was crazy for ordering so many cakes, she made me buy an extra one just because she didn't want to give me 30 cent change from my stupid gift card thing!! Haha, them asian folks be trying to squeeze as much as they can outta ya. Oh, now personally though, I don't find these cakes to be magnificently pretty, but enough to please me. You should see the cakes at bakeries a little more expensive, like Paris Baguette Cx. UMPH. Them cakes are so cuute that I just want to die a happy death there. LOL.

OH! Now this next part is going to be about Aladdin. OMG. I don't know why (probably because of mother nature's uterus punch this month), but Aladdin has been annoying me so much this week!! It's like, he keeps telling me my blog sounds "phony" and I'm too much of a fangirl. And he's making all these little comments about it that just don't sound too positive. I really want to slap him in the face sometimes. Which reminds me, I kinda did that to Nairb today. slap him in the face. It was actually kinda funny. Luckily, he's a nice person, and wasn't too sore about it ;w;. I totally slapped him for no reason and totally on impulse just for a stupid comment he made. I feel really bad about it xD;;. Anywayss, back to my annoyance of Aladdin. I know if he were to read this, he'd be totally cheering about how I wrote a whole paragraph about him. Totally a lousy guy :V. I feel quite conflicted about Aladdin though. He's actually not a bad person, and I have fun talking to him. Sometimes, it feels like we're going through the same thing, and I can talk to him about it. Other times though, he blows everything out of proportion, and pisses me the hell off. XD. So he's not a bad guy, and I feel like he'll be one of those geeks that'll be all set in life later on. It's just he has so many flaws that irritate me. LOL. I'm totally going to smack him in the face one day though. Just watch xD.

Anyways, all I've been doing really is talking about my friends. What about me?! Haha, so lately, I've been reading this book called, Catcher in the Rye for school. It's about this teenage kid around my age who's afraid of growing up. The book is written in this kid's point of view, and he talks in a lot of slang. When I re-read this blog, I feel like I totally sound like him a little bit (with different kind of wording). But generally, his way of speaking is kind of scatterbrained and sentence structures are kinda all over the place. And it's like he's saying stuff that seems very literal, but under neath it, you can usually find a different meaning. I'm not really saying to look too deep into my writing because I don't think I say much that should be taken with a different meaning, but I just personally feel like it's cool that I sort of sound like the main character from the book. It's like teenagers now don't really differed from like sixty years ago. Haha, sounds kind of lame, but I find it interesting. xD. A lot of my classmates are hating on the book, but I actually kind of like it. You really have to try to understand what the main character's thinking, and about all the things that's going on in his mind. I've kinda grown to really like psychology (might just be that passion I've been looking for!), so I guess for me, all this analyzing is fun xD.

So I've Changed a Lot

IM BACKK.
I haven't posted in forever, but I'm here now, babyy. And I have MUCH to share with you. Really, high school started out kinda boring as I was such a noob. Now thoughh, I have so many friends that it's impossible to say that my life can ever be dull anymore.

I think I've changed quite a bit in high school. Hahaa, as a middle schooler, I was all in denial and like "NO. I refruse to change!" I totally thought I wouldn't have changed, buut I have. Don't worry thoughh. I still be bringing in the ladies and being a pimp, makin' all thee boys jelly for my charm. LOL. Mostly because I've grown fond of corny pick up lines, and learned how to be all sweet, and give out compliments~. Howeverr, I ain't a man charmer anymore. I didn't like all the weird male attention in middle school >__<, so I became a little meaner. LOL Thanks to the advice of my Rinny-chan ♥♥. She was all like "Gurl, you gotta be more coldd to the male species or stahp complaining." I've learned how to be mean. It was really hard, but I achieved :'D. Like I've mastered the Art of Insulting like a pro~. But my natural charm still be workingg, and I got tons of new friends :D. Also, I've looked deeper into myselff lately too. I've realized that I'm not the happy-dandy, kind, and self less pesron I thought I was. AH HA. I'm totally a terrible person who be greedy and shallow and evil. You'll probably see why as I write more. YESH. I plan to write more often. OMG. I'll even use my free periods during school if I have to ♥


OH, and if you notice my speech to be a little weird... just ignore it. I've been influenced. //end of story. xD

Anyways, for my guy/romance life, I went through a roller coaster of TEN guys. Yea, in my mind, I'm a total player. Haha, not my fault that boys in my school beats girls like a 10 to 1. But don't worry people. I've FINALLY settled down, and chose my one and only ♥. LOL. Har, so yup, I've gotten myself a boyfriendd. And everybody be shipping him and me together. Wonder how they'll react when I share the news XD;;. Except BB, she thinks mah new love is ugly, and that I deserve better. AHA. Gotta love her honesty. But it's how I feel, and not her, so... ^_____^ //ignoring her oppinions atm. I bet she's just jelly that I got what I wantedd. UMPH.

Important part: I like himm. I don't care what nobody thinks. The official declaring happened like yesterday, so I can't say much about it yet. LOL. To be honestt, I feel like his second optionn though, which makes me sad D: but... I can't say I'm innocent either, so it's fair. lol. But lets see, I'll call him... Nairb :D. Haha, I "kiss and tell" too much >__<, so I'll just share the basics :D. Lets just say I had to help a friend out. Led to the meeting of him. Some subway rides home. A nice Saturday date. And it ends with a sweet clarification. ^____^

MOVING ON.
Another major thing going on in my life would be my beauts friends Stitch(fem) and Aladdin. Excuse the weird names, LOL, I'm using their Disney decided names (I'm Lilo btw). Ohemgi~. I played cupid for them on Valentine's Day, and they have soo much drama going on. The funny part is Aladdin and I are like frenemies, but we're like each other's wingman. XD. I feel more like his therapist though :V because the boy don't know what he's doing. It's like I have to reassure him about everything all the timme. Makes me so depressed sometimes .___.

OMG BUT HE FOUND MY BLOGG. Out of all the people who had to find my blog, it had to be Aladdin OTL. arghh. LOL I was hopping to keep it a secret in high school xD. Oh well~. Haha, but since he OWES me for being Cupid, he promises to not tell Nairb lool. Nairb is kinda stoofid though. He knows my username Emiko Seiei, and I was like "I use that for everything online." But he's too stoofid to think of using Google. Har harr. Cx Aladdin is so judgemental of my blog though. He be calling me too much of a fangirl. But like I'm just like, "As a friend, I don't care about your feelings~" Haha, that prhase doesn't sound right, but for him and me it does xD. But thee bitch stole that phrase from me by saying it all the time xP.

ALSOO. I've been in the cooking club for awhile at school noww. Don't think I mentioned this before. OMG. My club president though is soo beautifuul~. LOL *cough. I mean, cooking club is really fun, and I'm learning how to NOT burn down a kitchen (and some delish food recipes too). Haha, but my club president really is beautiful. AND she's super nice. Can you imagine that? Beautiful + Kind + Smart + Cooking skills = PERFECT wife. She's amazing :'D. LOL. She was my inspiration to think of the advantages of being a polygamist. I mean, if I was to be a polygamist, I would have one husband and one wife. A wife for all the cooking and house chores I don't want to do. And a husband for all thee fun activites. kufufu~. LOL. ofc, I'm joking, but it's an interesting idea xD.

OH. And I've started playing League of Legends. Mostly because of Nairb, but it really is a fun game. And I've met all his friends from childhood. LOL. Only known them for a monthh, but we're all pretty good friends :D. Haha, he jokes about me stealing them from him xD.

Anyways, yea, that's all the updates for now :D.
So see youu, and have a nice day >w<.

Keep a Bright Mind

HNY 2013 !!

Found this picture, and thought the characters sorta looked like Setsuna and Graham. //shot.

Yayy~!! It's the beginning of another year! \(^o^)/.

 .....well, I suppose for New Year, I should say something like super inspiring and motivational... but to be honest, I really quite suck at doing that. ^ ^;;.

All I can say is.. try to be better than last year! Work to improve yourself :). In my opinion, you don't really need resolutions and plans and whatnot (especially if you're not going to follow through w/ them). As long as you're not going backwards, everything will be fine =w=b.

However, I still have a resolutions/goals that I would like to keep in mind as I'm trying to not go backwards :'D. This year, I hope to learn how to play Bink's Sake on the violin (and possibly piano) over the summer //One Piece FTW~!! And I wanna have an ah-maz-ingg~~ body/figure/look by attempting at exercising/eating right.
Also, mastering the art of walking in heels would be nice too //shot.

LOL. I gave up trying to learn an instrument because I really have no patience for that XD;;. So knowing at least one song on an instrument is sufficient enough =w=b. Plus, it'd be fun to play that song on the subway, and get extra cash >D. lol. Not like I have anything better to do on the subway xD. one-two hour commute ;A;.

Harr, well, that's all I have to share at the moment. Hope you all have a great new year. Let's all go forward and achieve greatness! >w<.