Oh gawsh, I haven't posted since Tuesday~ :O !! Gomen nasi >__< !
This time I have no excuse though. XD;;. Had lots of homework, but was surprisingly able to finish early.
Chose to use that extra time to sleep. I can't believe I chose sleep over blog OTL shame on me.
LOL So during those two-ish days I skipped out on blogging, quite a bit has happened (it's been going on a whole lot longer than two days though :X).
...>___> Can't really say. But what is happening is killing me inside. I've been stressed out real bad. Nothing I do ever seems to be right. I'm always making the wrong move. Things always backfire on me. I suck. I'm stupid. I'm a problem magnet. Everything would probably work out better if I wasn't here. here on this god forsaken earth. Why am I here? What the hell kind of purpose do I have ? To screw everything up? To hurt people? Everything I touch becomes gray and sad. Like what the hell?? I'm damn frustrated with this!! No matter what I do, I always fail. And I just don't know what to do. It's like.. god damn it! I don't know! I can't concentrate on anything, but this problem. I don't have a damn clue on what to do either. I... I feel utterly and completely useless. It's because I am, and I always will be. Sigh. I really hate myself. I do. I honestly do. and Damn. I can't believe I'm actually crying right now. I hate crying. My nose starts to hurt for some stupid reason, and my vision gets all damn blurry. But that's besides the point right now. I often hear people say, "Try, try again." Well what if you try your best so many times you start to lose count, and nothing ever improves? nothing ever gets better?
I'm shit out of luck here, people. I'm stuck. I'm a mess. And this is just terrible.
Ha! I bet people here who are reading this (especially my "friends") are probably like "What the fuck?"
Well I'm damn sorry, okay? I tried. I seriously did. I wish I could act like a happy-go-lucky gal' for all my life. But like damn it I have no one to talk to. I'm not all rich and what not to afford a stupid therapist. No way in hell am I going to talk to the guidance councilor. And I'm not going to be some idiot who burdens their friends with shitty issues like this. I've already given them enough trouble. No need to make it worse. I guess sharing this on my public blog is kind of contradiction that, but at this point I really just don't give a damn. I'm cornered, and this is my temporary escape.
Sigh. anyways sorry for my language. To be honest, I have a real bad cursing habit. Don't really show much to people, unless I'm real good friends with them.. or if I'm super pissed off like I am now. The cursing would've probably sound a whole lot worse if I had less self control :| so be grateful.
I don't know what's wrong, and I don't know what you meant when you typed 'i'm sorry', but I'm worried for you. Don't feel useless... don't hate yourself... Cause.. I love you. It's okay to cry, means you still have emotions, but don't cry too much, it'll ruin your beautiful face. Even if you think it'll never improve, it will, someday. SOMEDAY. believe that. Stop torturing yourself like this. You deserve better.
ReplyDeletethis is luka. {this shall be a personal message to emiko}
ReplyDeletefirst, trololol your exaggerating XD causing worries among other people for no reason >3<;;
second. lol you have no one to talk to ehh? so calling me at odd hours and bombarding me with rants and your issues aint called 'therapy'? lolllll i think notttttt.
third, i wanna see you cry :> heee heee ~
now, to clarify, yea things do seem to backfire on you a lot :/ yes you do suck <3 and hell yea youre stoofid x3 and no, everything would not be better if you werent here. because you have too much friends that love chu and i need your existence because i like kicking your ass. ^ ^~
and to answer your questions from the second paragraph,
you are here because of . . . . /fufufufufufuuu~
your purpose is to laugh your ass off with me. andbemahslaveeee(!)
no, youre not here to "screw" {heeheeee} everything up.
no, you are not here to hurt people, although you do seem to do that quite often.
and no, i dont think everything you touch becomes grey and sad. because you touch all of us .___. and we're not grey and sad.
and you are useless ^ ^ <3 totally useless. indeed. so useless. really really useless. liekkk for realzzz. fo' shizzle. {trololol, bed intruder much ? xDD}
you shouldnt hate yourself, thats not good. nonono. not good.
and yes, when i saw your *overly* melodramatic post, moi was indeed liekk 'what ze fuck ?'
.___. &&i liek yo' cursing at ze end.
it funny.
hurdurrrr.
weloveyou<3 *not empty words*
emphasis on the we and love and you <3333~~~~~
fo'shizzle ^ ^~
To Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI love you too. ...but do you really mean it? or are you playing at something else?
I really do love you, but I'm really unsure of how you feel...
To Luka-chan,
LOL YOU TOTALLY RUINED THE MOOD WITH YOUR STUPID COMMENT XD
and your comment is so unnecessarily longgg xP
sigh. but i wasn't exaggerating D: I am sad. Maybe not on the brink of suicide sad. but still sad nonetheless. I'm confused, and frustrated, and upset. I'm sorry, I'm causing people to worry (which probably isn't that many).
Woah. wait one second there lady ! I do not call you at odd hours. YOU are the one exaggerating right now >__<. Yup. yup. I do bug you a lot w/ my issuess. but only w/ the surface stufff. you don't know everything~. so stop being such a cocky bastard XD.
GOSH WHAT I NICE FRIEND YOU ARE ____<. so sucks for you Luka-chan :P
If I didn't, why would I still be caring about you? (LOL no offense WHY would I? :3)
ReplyDeleteI'll wait until you believe me ~
NOO I USED NO OFFENSE </3
ReplyDeleteI dunno~ :3
ReplyDeleteLOL sigh. I want to talk to you... so hurry up and get online! XD