Dying sucks, and so do Tuesdays.

Dad went to go to a funeral today.
I don't know who died; only that it was a friend from high school.
She died of breast cancer.
That really sucks...

He looked kind of sad about it. I wonder if they were close friends. Or maybe it's just depressing when someone   you know dies. Thankfully, no one I've known so far has died. I wonder how I would feel if they did though. I don't really like thinking about death though... it's depressing ^ ^;;. So um.. let's change the topic, ne?

I'm EXTREMELY terrified of this upcoming Tuesday, Feb. 28th. >_________<;;
If any of you remember, around October~, I took a special test.
And I'm finally getting the results for that test this Tuesday.
I really really want to see my results, and at the same time, I really don't want to T^T

My whole future -well not really. i'm exaggerating here xD - depends on this test O^O !

I think I did really well on that test :) ...but then again, I always think that after a test, and over half the time I get a bad score OTL. well depends on your definition of 'bad score' I suppose.

Haha well if I get a good grade, I'll tell you :)
If I get a bad grade... I'll hint it >___>. LOL JK I'll tell you~. Hm..but in a very discreet or short manner because I get so sad talking about bad grades ;___;

Oh, and update for my book! It's going pretty well :'D


Anyways, I got to go and finish up my damn homework! since tomorrow is Monday xP
damn >3<;

Well A Few Things Happened... :3

On a dark summer evening, when the clouds were absent and the sun was high, I was wondering very deeply in my closet about why the hell it's suddenly summer and dark when the sun is up and im in this dark confined space. yea.. :3

Yo ho ho xD I'm quite high today. LOL very hyperrr~. So sorry if I make no sense ! because I probably wont for this post ..or maybe I will. Not really sure. In a weird mood XD.

Since the last time I posted,  quite a bit happened. Hmm..where to start first~. Ah Wednesday was fun :) ..well It was but then I felt terrible afterwards. Nyu-san is scary.

PRANK CALL GONE WRONG

well it turned out right, but ended terrible.

Me and Choco-chan finishes after school activities at the same time on Wednesdays, so we walked home together~. We pass by Nyu-san's house on our way home. So we decided to prank call her :3. It seemed like a good idea at first ^ ^;; but... Yea, so I called her pretending to be crying. I think I did pretty well ^^ (spent one year in the theater club :3). I was like "Nyu-san ! Choco-chan and I was crossing the street, and a stupid guy was speeding and ran a red light. And Choco-chan got ran over !!" but of course I said it with a lot of stuttering and fake sobs and it was rushed. It was so cool though! Me and Choco-chan hiding behind her car. We saw Nyu-san just dash right out her door, and started running towards where I told her we were. She was already like 15 feet away from me before I realized she even came out the door. I tried calling her name and ran after her. But she was so focused on trying to get to us that she didn't hear me. When she finally did, she turned around and clobbered me with a hug (well it was more of a sling of her arm around my shoulders), and she started laughing realized it was a prank call. But I think she was laughing out of relief of our safety too :). My friends...who I'll call Angel and Bicky.. was at  Nyu-san's house and ran out too. I feel so bad for Choco-chan because they all three started hitting/kicking her (gently of course) out of anger for tricking them. It's funny that they were worried for her, and didn't want her hurt. But once they saw she was perfectly fine, they started hurting her. People are weird like that :|
I felt so terrible after the prank call though because apparently Nyu-san has had actually cases where people she was closed to has been ran over by car. I had no idea D: and I feel so bad about it.
I'm so sorry, Nyu-san.

So ! The lesson from this is never prank call anybody ever again <3. LOL jk...well it is mean to prank call someone ^ ^;. True lesson is never prank call someone about serious things like death :L

Hmm..let me see...what else happened?

OH ! I remember. Today, at school, there was a "pre-valentine's day" dance. It was okay :)

LOL I CANT DANCE FOR LIFE

Nobody at my school dances ever actually dance. Basically it's just a bunch of people put into the gym that all just sit around. There are those few people who dance, but it's usually those dirty dancing people xP.

I was dancing because I'm cool like that :D. LOL but like I said I suck at dancing. Can't get that whole moving the hips things right orz. I was told I was doing pretty okay, but I believe that was just people being nice xP. LOL I found it funny that one of my classmates told me I looked cute while dancing xD it was so random, and I think I was pretty fail :P. Haha but none of my friends were dancing

And damnnnn my hips hurt D; *rubs meh hips*. ... WAITTTTTT~ no I mean my waist. LOL yea I don't think I've ever told you guys this, but I am an idiot who can't remember the human anatomy correctly

Anyways, I love my friends <3. I love how me and them share common views <3 (but we also bicker about different opinions too xD). Everyday while walking home with them, we always rant like hell together. It's good stress relief :'D. LOL we usually stop at the corner of where we have to part from each other, and stand there ranting for about an hour. Ranting is funnn~ <3.

Besides all this normal stuffu, I also have poetry stuff to share. It's required for each student at my school to submit one poem for this poetry contest my school has. The select three winners, and they all get cash prizes (first prize gets $100 <3). They choose about 50 good poems out of the few hundred or so poems, and put it into a book. LOL anyways, back to the point, since I'm an over achiever :'D (not really), I submitted two poems XD.

And I feel like sharing them with you people :3

Private Eyes

All day you smile and laugh

Trying to make everyone not worry

Caring about others. Never yourself.

But your eyes tell it all

A thousand words they speak

Through your eyes to the soul

I can see a scarred lil’ girl

Your eyes tell it all

The secrets those divine eyes hold

Something dark and cold

Tells the pain brought by memories

Yet holds some things still a mystery.

Exotic and beautiful

Like the sky’s tears

Deep and bold

Like a cat in the night

Intense and awake

Like a blazing torch

Your eyes tell it all

Yearning for attention

Yearning for appreciation

Just wants love

The Lily of the Valley

To me, like little bells.
Pure as white can be.
Always together,
Close in a bundle.
As one, they hold onto life’s rope.

Growing together.

Been that way forever.

Having fun

Soaking in the sun.

But when old Father Time grows older

and Fate’s winds grow stronger,

They begin to wilt brown with change.

No longer pure as one.

All different in the sun.

The bells begin to fall

One by one.

and they take their own path.

Swaying where the wind takes them.

Separated from their friends.

Never looking back.

So yeaa~ I wonder if one of them will be a winner :3.

LOL other than this, I don't think I have anything else to say.

I'm happy it's finally the weekend though. School can be a real killer ^ ^;

Shit Out of Luck

Oh gawsh, I haven't posted since Tuesday~ :O !! Gomen nasi >__< !
This time I have no excuse though. XD;;. Had lots of homework, but was surprisingly able to finish early.
Chose to use that extra time to sleep. I can't believe I chose sleep over blog OTL shame on me.

LOL So during those two-ish days I skipped out on blogging, quite a bit has happened (it's been going on a whole lot longer than two days though :X).
...>___> Can't really say. But what is happening is killing me inside. I've been stressed out real bad. Nothing I do ever seems to be right. I'm always making the wrong move. Things always backfire on me. I suck. I'm stupid. I'm a problem magnet. Everything would probably work out better if I wasn't here. here on this god forsaken earth. Why am I here? What the hell kind of purpose do I have ? To screw everything up? To hurt people? Everything I touch becomes gray and sad. Like what the hell?? I'm damn frustrated with this!! No matter what I do, I always fail. And I just don't know what to do. It's like.. god damn it! I don't know! I can't concentrate on anything, but this problem. I don't have a damn clue on what to do either. I... I feel utterly and completely useless. It's because I am, and I always will be. Sigh. I really hate myself. I do. I honestly do. and Damn. I can't believe I'm actually crying right now. I hate crying. My nose starts to hurt for some stupid reason, and my vision gets all damn blurry. But that's besides the point right now. I often hear people say, "Try, try again." Well what if you try your best so many times you start to lose count, and nothing ever improves? nothing ever gets better?
I'm shit out of luck here, people. I'm stuck. I'm a mess. And this is just terrible.

Ha! I bet people here who are reading this (especially my "friends") are probably like "What the fuck?"
Well I'm damn sorry, okay? I tried. I seriously did. I wish I could act like a happy-go-lucky gal' for all my life. But like damn it I have no one to talk to. I'm not all rich and what not to afford a stupid therapist. No way in hell am I going to talk to the guidance councilor. And I'm not going to be some idiot who burdens their friends with shitty issues like this. I've already given them enough trouble. No need to make it worse. I guess sharing this on my public blog is kind of contradiction that, but at this point I really just don't give a damn. I'm cornered, and this is my temporary escape.

Sigh. anyways sorry for my language. To be honest, I have a real bad cursing habit. Don't really show much to people, unless I'm real good friends with them.. or if I'm super pissed off like I am now. The cursing would've probably sound a whole lot worse if I had less self control :| so be grateful.

TT^TT I was so scaredd

I'M SO TIRED !! D;
I don't feel like posting.
I just wanna crawl into my bed, and watch One Piece~~ (meh computer is hooked up to tv x3)
LOL my family (dad, sis, two lil' bros + meh) have all been watching One Piece together. My sister is like up to the latest episode. I'm on 180-something. My brother and dad are the only ones that need to catch up. However, One Piece is one of those super epic animes that is fun to watch no matter how many times you see it xD.

Har har har but I guess this is not what you want to hear. The ones who remember it was my birthday yesterday, probably wants to hear about it. Wahh~ but I'm tired xD. Tonight was so hectic~.

Since yesterday was a Friday, and I had work, we didn't celebrate my birthday. Thus, we celebrated it tonight. Now celebration for my family means the birthday person gets to go to any restaurant of our choice. I was going to pick to go eat dim sum. However, I heard Choco-chan has never gone to Olive Garden. So I just had to bring her :D. She didn't taste the wonders of their amazing bread xD. Usually, my dad doesn't let me bring friends, but since she's never been there, he decided to make an accept.
Anyways~, when we got to Choco-chan's house, I realized I didn't have my purse. Olive Garden is like a half hour away from my house, so that means it'd take us an hour to make a round trip. TT^TT my dad got so mad at me. He was like "Only stupid people do stupid things!" It was the bag Choco-chan got for me for Christmas too. So I was really sad that I lost it OTL. We went back to the restaurant to go get it though. On the way there I was so damn scared. I was like "Shit what if I brought it out of the restaurant and accidently dropped it in the parking lot? What if someone took it?! Nooo poor Exia-Near. TT^TT" I was seriously stiff and glued to my seat. I didn't even dare to breathe (well I did a lil' xD). I don't know why, but I was freaking out. Gosh, my imagination is too darn big D; i scare myself too often. You don't know how happy and relieved when I found my bag. I had to ask the waiter person though because they put it in some office thing. I was being all Asian and bowing. I mean HALF bow . LOL I was so close to a full on bow though xDD. "thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I just kept chanting it to them and smiling, and half bowing. I was just so happy. And I practically skipped back to the car.
But then when I was about to open the car door, I was all frowny faced because I was sure my dad was going to lecture me about everything. The first thing I heard when I opened the car door though was "Who needs to go pee??"

I was just like *faceplamm =____="".
We all ended up using the bathroom xD. Drank too much shirely temple. lolol sighh. I know how weird my dad can be xD. I don't know why I was so scared. He did tell me serious things like "Remember this feeling, so you don't do it again."

Sigh I was really scared though. That bag is like my new favorite. And just because Choco-chan got it for me ^__^. LOL well it is also super cute and stuff too :D. Plus, I had my phone, wallet, keys, camera, and exia-near in there... ^ ^;; I keep everything in my purse. lol.

*looks at the time* @___________@ it's already midnight. damn.
I'm tired *yawns*. I'll tell you people about my birthday tomorrow xD. Right now I must catch some Z's.
Oooh~ Luka-chan, Rin-chan, and Katrina-chan came over to my house before I went out to dinner too. I should tell you people about that~! ...eh...tomorrow XD LOL I'm too lazy.

haha don't kill meh for making you wait~ ^ ^;

ciao~ ;D

Changed It

I've changed the look of my blog :)
I wonder if you people like it~

I love the banner <3. It's so cool x3. Kind of creepy, but still cool :D.
I used the picture of Miku from the picture below to use in my banner. I take no credit in making this picture. I think I found it on zerochan.net or something :3 (all I did was add some glow effect to it xD)

For the text, I wanted to do something cool. I had planned on making the text look like the one shown in the following link: http://www.blog.spoongraphics.co.uk/tutorials/create-a-cool-wet-ink-typography-effect-in-photoshop

However, I suck xD and just used the paintbrushes I downloaded for the background.
I still think it came out cool though :D :D.

I also got a different music selection for the little music player on the side. I like listening to those songs often :)

And for the background of my blog. I love it <333

I love Haro from Gundam 00 ~~!!!

Haha some of you might have noticed it matches the mouse cursor for my blog xD.

Special thanks to Hikari151 from deviantart for letting me use his picture, Raining Haro LineArt, for the backround of my blog.

Check out some other artworks by Hikari-kun at:

http://hikari151.deviantart.com/

The only think that I take credit in removing the watermark and photoshoping it green :3

Other than that, Hiarki-kun was the one who drew the incredibly cute picture of Haro >w<.

Anyways~ I hope ya enjoy the new look. Took me awhile to do. :D

Kids are an Adorable Pain in the Bum

Work doesn't seem fun anymore. It was exciting the first few days, but now my body is starting to feel the affect it has on me. I'm so tired lately :P!

There are some highlights/good things about the job though. The kids are just adorable!!(except for the few annoying ones). There's this one kid who reminds me of like a child monk xD. He's just so cute >w<. Lol I don't know why, but I have this fascination with monks :3. They're always so awesome in Chinese movies xD. ..sigh~ I watch too many movies :P. Anyways, back to subject. This kid though must have parents with good style taste because  for a first grader he has unusually stylish clothing that looks so cute x3. I love helping him too! He's one of the only kids there who actually tries to learn and do his work!! I also like how he's innocent and not snobby like some other kids.
I also like the part about my job where I get to walk these two children home. They live close by, so Boss-Lady has me walk them. One is a fourth grader boy, and the other is his first grader sister. They're both a hilarious duo xD. Always teaching me weird Chinese words LOL. Sigh~ but they're also kind of weird xD. The little girl today kept trying to smack my bum!! That's a real big no no zone! The boy likes to run around the place. So hard to keep up with him. Where do kids get all their energy?!

Today, I figured out that Kohai-chan has favoritism towards the kids ^ ^;;. Not that good because it makes a ton of them complain and whine. It can get really annoying. The kids all seem to like her though. I think they're warming up to me as well. Not many see me as an "authority figure." More of a ...very nice teacher lady(?). Thus, whenever I tell them to do something or say an order, they don't listen. ^ ^;; I'm too nice when it comes to children. I made one girl cry though! I felt so bad > <. She kept throwing puzzle pieces everywhere! I told her to nicely stop throwing them. She wouldn't listen. She actually had the nerve to ignore me! So I told her to stop it with a more enforcing tone, and stopped her hand from throwing the puzzle pieces. That crazy girl just wouldn't stop! So I grabbed onto them. She wouldn't let go. I started pulling onit, and started using my "scary, I'm going to blow up on you any second" authority voice. The girl is nuts though! My scary voice always works!! But it had no effect on her. She started screaming and crying, and I was just sick of it. The sound was killing me ears > <. The other kids were like "Just let her throw it. She's crying!" I was like "No way! She's not getting anything just because she cries." I really hate it when kids use the "if I don't get my way, I'm going to start crying" threat. Crying shouldn't have that kind of threatening power, so you won't get any sympathy from me just because you cry to get something (that's my belief anyways). Sigh~ so Kohai-chan came and was like, "What's going on?" Luckily, I didn't get in trouble for making a little girl cry ^ ^;;. Kohai-chan was smart enough to know that it was her throwing a tantrum. I was so shocked though because this little girl seems so nice, and she just randomly started throwing a fit. I didn't know what to do at the time Dx.

So the children can be a positive and a negative :P.

It's Late Again

It's late at night again. It's like 10:30...heh heh ^ ^;; *awkward*. LOL xD okay so not that late. But I need meh sleep. So this post will be quick (thus there might be some grammar errors :P).

Teachers have been giving stupids tests like every other day. It's bugging the crap out of me. So. Much. Studying. OTL. I'm going to die at this rate xP. My grades have been getting terrible lately too!! It's like no matter how much I study, I fail. You know how much that sucks?! And it's not that I don't study enough. Rin-chan forces me to study like every night (which is killing me as well!). I usually just wing it and get good enough grades xD. Studying with Rin-chan doesn't help though! It seems like the topic is either too hard for me to wing or studying just doesn't help me. I vote second idea :3 (haha if only xD). I formed a new way of studying though. Instead of Rin-chan asking the questions I do. Which helps much more than you would think. My brain is weird, so I learn better if I hear the answers instead of saying/thinking up the answers myself. I hope I do better on tests soon because if I don't start improving I will die of bad-test-sickness.

Kohai-chan is funny. She can't pronounce my name and/or doesn't remember how to pronounce it. The way she says my name is the equivalent to pronouncing Emiko (em-ee-ko) as Emuka (em-oo-ca). It's rather amusing. I would usually correct a person who can't pronounce my name, but it's not a big deal to me xD. Plus, I have a feeling she doesn't really care~. All the children, Boss-lady, and Kohai-chan can't pronounce my name correctly. It's cute when the children mispronounce it, but hilarious when adults can't xD.

I'm Chinese, and can't speak the language fluently. Lots of people make fun of me for it. You always hear them say, "You can't speak Chinese?!" or "Haha you suck." or "You're not a true Chinese!" ...yea >_> not very pleasant. So you would think with all these insults I would learn Chinese right? Well wrong xD. But I know a few words :3. Not enough to have a conversation, but it's not like I don't know anything at all. All the children at my work place is Chinese except for like three of them. The Chinese people can all speak Chinese, so two kids tried to teach me some of the language. ...except don't trust kids to teach you Chinese! These children are only in like elementary, so they were teaching me how to say "poopoo head" and "poop is on your head, now you die." and other stuff that I can't really remember at the moment. I relearned a bunch of stuff too. Like they were calling me stupid and crazy in Chinese, and I was able to understand xD because those are part of my very small vocabulary.   ....sigh *head desk* this is very sad and depressing. I'm so fail xD

*yawn* okay~ meh has to go to bed now ^ ^ so good night people <3

ps. yesh this is what I call a "quick post". and yesh I'm able to write this much in 20 minutes xD