Crying Ain't So Bad ?

Is it weird that I sort of semi-like crying?
I don't know how to explain why very well... It's just, usually I am a happy person. . . I'm not sure if I'm happy for myself or... for others. Do I try to look strong so others won't worry? or am I strong on my own? I don't really know the answer to that. This happy attitude didn't really start until fifth~sixth grade to be honest. Why? Well, hm... can you keep a secret? LOL probably not, but I guess I'll tell you anyways. A lot of people for some reason believes I don't know the meaning of sadness or pain. Probably because I act so happy all the time. Those people are unfortunately wrong... When I was little.. well let's just say I didn't have the best childhood a person could have. And when I finally got out of the bad situation I was in, I couldn't talk about it. No, it's more like I didn't want to talk about it. To make people not ask, I became "happy." Making people think I'm okay, bottling things up, acting happy; I've become good at it. Eventually, I've fooled myself into really thinking I am. It's been this way for a long time. Don't get me wrong, I've come to learn how to be happy. When I laugh with my friends at school or give someone a warm smile, it's certainly not fake (well..maybe sometimes. depends). But because I bury my pain so deep into my heart that I don't even recognize it anymore, I've come to be fascinated by the act of crying. I try so hard not to that when I actually do cry, I don't try to wipe the tears off my cheeks in a hurry. I don't try to stop myself. It's weird. I'm strange. Crazy. I know. But it let's me know that I'm human. that I have emotions, and I'm glad I do. Nothing  recent has really caused me to cry for real though. But for like books, or t.v. shows, and etc. I've cried out of empathy. I'm too empathetic that it happens often (my dad finds it funny and very amazing at the same time >__>). I don't know though. Some people say there's not point in crying. Crying is just useless. It doesn't do anything. I'd have to disagree with that though. Crying let's me move on. When I cry, I get all the sadness and pain out. So afterwards, I don't regret anything, and it helps clear my mind.
I like screaming out of rage too... but that's a story for another time xD.
I'll leave this post short because it's midnight x___x and I need to seriously sleep. I've only been surviving through school with like only 5 hours of sleep. I'm going to die if I don't get at least eight hours tonight xP.

ps. gomen ne~ this post is... slightly depressing ^ ^;;. I've just.. I guess bottled up so much in my life time thus far, that I just need to get some of it out~. I mean, why have a blog if I can't say what I feel whenever the hell I want to?

pss. to friends: please don't worry about me ^ ^;;. I haven't gone into depression or anything. There's nothing wrong with me. See *smiles* :D I'm fine. No asking me 'bout this later~ xP.
to Gleek-kun: I mean it when I say don't ask me about this later =___= it's an order~! :|