Dying sucks, and so do Tuesdays.

Dad went to go to a funeral today.
I don't know who died; only that it was a friend from high school.
She died of breast cancer.
That really sucks...

He looked kind of sad about it. I wonder if they were close friends. Or maybe it's just depressing when someone   you know dies. Thankfully, no one I've known so far has died. I wonder how I would feel if they did though. I don't really like thinking about death though... it's depressing ^ ^;;. So um.. let's change the topic, ne?

I'm EXTREMELY terrified of this upcoming Tuesday, Feb. 28th. >_________<;;
If any of you remember, around October~, I took a special test.
And I'm finally getting the results for that test this Tuesday.
I really really want to see my results, and at the same time, I really don't want to T^T

My whole future -well not really. i'm exaggerating here xD - depends on this test O^O !

I think I did really well on that test :) ...but then again, I always think that after a test, and over half the time I get a bad score OTL. well depends on your definition of 'bad score' I suppose.

Haha well if I get a good grade, I'll tell you :)
If I get a bad grade... I'll hint it >___>. LOL JK I'll tell you~. Hm..but in a very discreet or short manner because I get so sad talking about bad grades ;___;

Oh, and update for my book! It's going pretty well :'D


Anyways, I got to go and finish up my damn homework! since tomorrow is Monday xP
damn >3<;

Work + Monster

There's nothing much to blog about today.
All I did was stay home.

School is going to start again soon; on Monday. TT^TT that makes me so sad.
I mean I like school. I just really really hate the work they give us xD.

Ugh, I won't even start on how much homework I have left to do D;

Ah, starting Monday, I have to go back to my part-time job again. Yea, I took last week off because I have to study xP. I feel so bad for Boss-Lady though because supposedly another employee didn't show up without advance noticed, so she was stranded with 20, or so kids, all by herself.

Oh, but since the location of the work place changed to somewhere closer, I was asked if I could work longer hours. It might not have been the best idea to agree since I get tons of homework, but money is nice ^w^. LOLOL So yea, the greediness inside me couldn't be subsided, and I agreed to work longer hours.
Instead of working for about two and half-ish hours. I'm working for I think about four hours~ every weekday after school. It doesn't sound like much, but it can really add up after awhile :P

Damn. I just remembered that if I have to do regular work and homework, I probably won't be able to work on my book very much D; Aw~ this sucks. LOL Hopefully, I'll be able to manage my time well, and be able to do everything :D. Haha I dunno what I'm going to do about this yet~, but I'll work something out. I mean I always do ^___^ ..sorta. I mean I always sorta know what to do XD.

Other than this, nothing else has really happened.
Life has been a bit... icky for me lately.
I don't know how to explain it.
So I won't ^^.

Right now, I'm watching the anime Monster.
It's actually pretty interesting :) .. in a creepy sorta way xD.
It's about this Japanese doctor who lives in Germany (but none of the characters in this anime seems like Germany from Hetalia xD).
Everything went downhill for him when he saved this really evil guy (who's blonde and just might appear attractive to Rin-chan. That is if he wasn't so evil xD).
Then he meets this really cute kid that won't stop following him. The kid is kinda creepy too, but then again everyone kinda is in this anime xD.
I think this anime is pretty good. ^ ^ so perhaps you could take the time to watch it.
I mean it is like 74 episodes long, so it can be all that bad if it lasted that long :3.
I'm only episode 14 though. 60 more episodes to go... xD. It's pretty cool, so the episodes seem to go by really fast though :)

I should be doing homework at the moment though...
Ha, I should really stop sleeping until noon at the very least xD.
I can't finish my homework in time because I'm only awake for like 5 hours of the day.
LOL i'm stupid ^ ^;;.

Well it's only 9 pm now, so I'm going to finish up a bit of my English homework, and work on my bookkk~ :3

So ciaosu~ ;D

Random Thoughts in My Mind

Nothing special really happened; well nothing special that I feel like sharing :3

Oh, but my book is going along pretty well ^___^ which makes me happy enough.

I went through like three ideas before I finally found one that seems to fit, and I have Rin-chan to thank for that! :D I was having some trouble, and had called her for totally different reasons. But somehow we ended up on the topic of how I'm writing a book. Now Rin-chan is like my editor ^w^. Ah ha haa~ but unfortunately, I'm not sharing the makings of my books with my other friends. Why? Well that's because if I do than it just wouldn't be as much fun, ne? ;D

lolol plus, I'm pretty sure Rin-chan will give me good critism on my book.
While on the other hand, Choco-chan will probably only say nice things or end up writing my entire book for me unintentionally.
Luka-chan will just insult my book the entire time, and cause me to have no motivation to write whatsoever. I mean she might have nice things to say about it sometimes, but she'll point out the weirdest things and like yeaa it's hard to explain :P
Nyu-san is too lazy to read xD.
Katrina-san works diligently on the roleplay that I have been slacking off in, and I don't want to bother her with my book after I've been so lazy with the roleplay she works hard on ^ ^;;
Gleek-kun... >__> if I share my book with him, he might do several things. For example, he could go all crazy and compliment it to the point you know he's exaggerating (because he's just nice like that). Or he'll tell everyone about it, especially my English teacher, and I'll be bothered about it by everyone before I even finished D; Or he'll make weird connections to things or criticize it weirdly. Or well yea.. you get my point right?

and etc. *is too lazy to talk about why I cannot share with my other friends.*

Anyways, so my book genre is going to be action-comedy-fantasy-ish. LOL I'm not sure XD. But it's definitely going to be comedy/funny. The main characters are all semi-based on my friends, but with a little tweak here and there ^__^. Ah hah haa~ this book is going to be so much fun x3

Sigh. If only I didn't have so much vacation homework because than I could work on my book more D;
LOL That's why I'ma just finish it all up today because I'm sick of it at this point!

Oohh~ and while roaming around the internet a bit, I found some cool websites ^___^.

Click ! <- this is a tubmler page~.
I really like the images and quotes this person finds. They're all quite inspiring :D
Made me really think about things. And some of the stuff on there really puts what I can't say into words perfect :)

Click ! <- another tublerr page. lolol there's some pretty cool stuff on tumbler.
Just a person who has some cool bleach picturess~. LOL I don't like bleach that muchh, but I just thought it was pretty cool.

Click ! <- a cool blog of an otaku <33
LOL This person's blog is actually pretty interesting. I haven't read much of her posts, but I like how she writes. It's pretty cool :)

Click ! <- another epic blog <3
This is Katrina-chan's blog. Don't forget to visit this website! :D Katrina-chan is so cool >w<.

Yeaa~ so that's enough link spamming for one day xD

Quote of the day:

“I don’t know how to hold on..to anything. In the end, I always end up letting go because I’m scared. But why am I scared? What am I scared of? I’m pretty sure once I find the answers to those questions, I’ll finally be able to hold on.”

Sometimes you meet certain people that can touch your soul in certain ways most people can’t. But you have to let them go because you realize that it just isn’t the best time in your life for them to come. It seems like you meet the perfect people just when you can’t handle them.

~from Uncomfortable Soul.

Bleh~ it's too truee.

so anyways, I'ma go do my damn homework now. So see y'all laters~ ;D

Anonymously Anonymous

Yup. Just some things I want to say to people, but don't have enough guts to tell.
If you know me and our history well than you can probably guess which one belongs to you.
Just don't kill me if you don't like your message ^ ^;

ps. there's one for everyone... except my readers. I'm sorry, I really just don't have anything personal to say to you all ^ ^; Except that I love you and thank you for reading <3 :)

pss. sorry for being such a gutless chicken and not being able to say this to your face :P
---

Dear Anonymous,

Gomen ne~ >__<;;

I disobeyed the orders you gave me just two days ago.
I failed.

I'll explain when you come back.

Just please don't kill me TT^TT.

Sincerely,
the woman with too many problems :P

---

Dear Anonymous,

Is it just me, or are we becoming more distant? :L

Sincerely,
The dirt...  xD;;

---

Dear Anonymous,

Am I too annoying?
So sorry ^ ^;
Okay, I'll stop.

Sincerely,
Watson :3

---

Dear Anonymous,

Have more confidence in yourself.
You're really a great person (:

Haha but I wouldn't be surprised if you had some dark and twisted side.
I mean that always happens in movies. xD
If that side exists you should showw it to me before I leave :D

Sincerely,
Q.

---

Dear Anonymous,

You know... we only ever talk about boys.
We're just so different.. that when we talk about anything else, it gets weird or boring :T

How can I change that?

Sincerely,
The problem magnet

---

Dear Anonymous,

I'm jealous of you, and I don't know why.
I mean I technically won, so why am I jealous?

I feel sorry for you though.
and I really really want to slap you.

Sincerely,
red

---

Dear Anonymous,

I wonder why you are the way you are.
Humans are just such odd creatures.

You just need to be yourself, okay?
A person is always best when they act as themselves and not like others <3

Sincerely,
Um... the one behind you...

---

Dear Anonymous,

LOL I'm happy for your support,
despite how creepy it can be xD

Sincerely,
Uh the not-so-busy woman(?)

---

Dear Anonymous,

What's wrong with being 'too happy'?

Sincerely,
Emi

Can't Sleep

Haha I'm a real idiot xD

Leave it up to me to do something stupid like taking a nap before bed time. *facepalm

Now it's like 1:30 a.m. and I can't go back to sleep D;

I feel so tempted to go make myself a yummy glass of warm milk. mhmm the thought sounds yummy ^///^.

But my dad will probably be upset if I do. Stupid microwaves just have to make that loud beeping sound when it's finished. If the walls of my house weren't so thin, the beeping would be okay :P

I want to work on meh book~. I might later. Progress with it is going pretty good ^ ^.

Right now, I'm watching Durarara!
LOL at this rate, I'ma finish it soon. I mean this anime is just so good x3.

*grumble.

Ugh my stomach is hungry D;
I wanna go eat something~.

TT^TT I hate staying up late.
Even though the TV is on and my dad is still awake, he's going to be sleeping soon.
And things can get pretty creepy >~<;
I'm not afraid of the dark or anything... but it can get so lonely ^ ^;

I guess watching Durarara doesn't help this thing I have with staying up at night.
This anime can get pretty creepy too. Especially with Izaya's scary grin xD.

Wah D; it's 2 a.m. so late~.
Haha I'll probably go back to bed around 4 a.m. or something :P
Well, I minus well stay up the whole night instead.
Interesting challenge. I've never tried to survive off of two hours of sleep.
Just kidding xD. I'm crazy, but without sleep I totally can't function well ^ ^;;

I can be super nice :D *smilesmile
but when I'm sleepy, I can get real bitchy ^ ^;

Anyways, I'ma go do productive stuff like homework or something xD
so see ya~ ^___^

me, a writer?

So today my dad had said something rather interesting to me.
Has to do with life, and what I plan on doing with it.

Of course, I told him what I tell everybody. "I want to be a robotics engineer."
It's just easy to say. Sounds cool enough. Makes ya sound smart too. Like you got big goals in life.
Eventually, I believed that I really wanted to become one.

But I really don't know if I want to or not for sure. I mean.. I'm not doing anything special to reach that goal.

Dad laughed at me when I said that.
"Do you really want to be that?" He chuckled.

"Yea, why not?"

"I don't know. Really sounds like you're just saying that."

damn. caught me red handed. leave up to dad to see right through me like that.

"What do you mean?" I asked, playing dumb. I'm quite good at that; playing dumb.

"You aren't doing anything. You're not passionate enough to really mean that." and after that he left to go work on something. I was doing the dishes at the time, so I couldn't really go follow him.
I felt the need to defend myself. To say I really do plan on becoming an engineer. But I didn't see the point.

I started thinking to myself. "I want to become a robotics engineer to build a gundam, right?"
Ha of course I'm only joking about that. It'd be so cool if I built one though >w< !! LOL But I'm too stupid to build something so cool XD.

"If not a robotics engineer... than what?" I started thinking about all sorts of jobs that exist in the world.
Everything seems so hard though =___=;;.

Not gonna be a doctor. I'm not very good at remembering medical terms/symptoms or just things in general. I think I'll end up killing someone instead of curing them ^ ^;;. Can't be a lawyer... too much reading >___> and again, I probably can't memorize all the laws and stuff. Can barely remember the ten amendments xP. Can't be a circus clown or something foolish like that either because that's just uh.. not my thing XD.

I want to do something that's fun!
And doesn't take me eight or eleven years of college to do.
That pays well.
Don't want it to bore me after awhile either.
I want something that I can actually be good at too.

That's when I thought about it. Writing.
It sounded a bit silly at first.
I mean me being a writer? Sounds so odd when you think about it. (or maybe that's just me xD)
Doesn't sound as cool as a robotics engineer xD but it's still something pretty cool!

Don't need to go to any fancy college to learn to write well.
I can make millions if I write something good.
It's fun, and it never seems like a chore to do.
And I'm not too shabby at it either x3

So I guess I wanna be a writer! LOL xD I feel like a child. always changing what I want to be in life.
Haven't told dad about this yet ^ ^;.
Not sure what he's gonna say. A writer isn't exactly what he's been expecting from me.. >__>. Some bad ass graphics designer or something is what he wants. But ^ ^; lets face it, I'm too impatient to learn any of that stuff. To make him happy, I'ma learn how to do those kinds of things sometime or another though... I just don't feel it being something I wanna do for a living.

LOL But I'ma need a plan B because being writer is like being an artist. If no one likes your art than you're so screwed~ XD. You'll make no money. Haha so I guess being a robotics engineer shall be my plan B ^___^.

Anyways, to fix the whole haven't-told-dad-yet issue, I'ma try writing a book. If it's any good, I'll show him, and tell him my career change. That way, he'll see I'm not just kidding about this like I semi-was for the robotics engineer thing :3

I plan on finishing my book before summer ends. I wonder how successful things'll be ^^.

Oh ho ho~ I'm quite excited about this :D !!

Now, all my blog viewers must promise to buy my book once I'm done with it, okay? ^^

LOLOL Just kidding~ <3. You don't have to buy if you don't want to.
But seriously, if my book turns out to be any good, you people should buy it XD.

Umm...but I must warn you. I have a tendency of giving up half way or missing the deadline, so if I end up not finishing by the end of summer vacation than I am terribly sorry in advance ^ ^;.

Lets hope I write this book though, ne? :D

I Came Out of My Cave xD

Today was okay.
I went outta my cave XD

But let's start on what happened before that ^^.

It was pretty fun. Today I slept until noon :'D gosh, I haven't done that in forever.
LOL I don't know why, but I was so tired !

Ooh wait, I remember why. LOL I'm insane, and I slept at 12:30 a.m. every night since Monday...yea not the healthiest choice to make ^ ^;
But it was for a good reason ! I was up studying/working. Unlike Nyu-san who was probably reading manga or drawing XD. Yup ! I decided to go super-nerd, and studying like crazy 'till real late at night.
My dad wanted to hug and kill me at the same time~ xD. He was so happy I was finally serious 'bout studying, but also thought I was crazy for going to extreme.
Yea studying so hard because of that stupid mid-term I had Friday. And that singing test I had Friday. And because my dad decided to make do vocabulary. And because of the stupid student government stuff I had to do. So yea, since there's not enough damn hours in the day, I had to stay up so late. Somehow I survived <3.

LOL So ! I shall tell you how Friday went for me :3

It was just terrible !

For the mid-term I got 10 wrong TT^TT out of like - I don't know - 40ish questions?
That means like I only got - I don't know - 75 on the test OTL. ///damnnn
Haha I haven't told my dad about it yet ^ ^; //so gonna get murdered~~

The day before the test I was supposed to study like hell for it.
But on the Thursday before, I got  stuck into doing some crazy ass student government crap Dx
The seniors just gotten a cotton candy machine. And we were going to sell it to the Freshman's party on Friday. So we had to premake a bunch of cotton candy bags to sell. I stayed after school 3 hours longer than I was supposed to TT^TT. You know how much it sucks when you have to stay at your crappy school longer than you need to ??
It was so dark, and my school is so damn scary at night T^T. The scary ass security (lol I had to google the spelling for "security" xD //fails) didn't help so much either xD.

Anyways, I couldn't study on Thursday for my mid-term that was on Friday because when I got home. I opened the book. Solved about five questions. And fell right to sleep on my textbook. I'm so glad I'm not a drooler. or else my book would've died. D; spent $12 whole dollars on that book ! I could buy a whole shit load of stuff at the dollar store ! (haha cheap asians ftw <3 xD) . Ooooh ~ !! Speaking of dollar store ! I got a bunch of epic stuff <333

Oooh which brings me back to getting out of my cave today. LOL I'm all over the place XDD. Okay, I'll talk about my trip outside the cave after I talk about Friday.

Okay, so since I was tired and couldn't stop passing out at five questions, I just went to bed ^^.
Went to sleep at 8:30 pm <333333 soooo happyyyy~~~. Ahh haa but life sucks. And even though I got ten hours of sleep, I was still tired as hell when I woke up D; //that suckss

Ah haa I'm too positive. I got ten wrong, but I was laughing and smiling anyways. (my friends are so smarttt. they all got only 1~4 wrong ^^ //so proud).
Choco-chan asked about that. Haha my philosophy is that if someone else did worse than I did than everything is fine :) LOLOL Now that I think about it, that's kinda mean. But it keeps a smile on my face so all is well XD.
Choco-chan was like "How do you know someone got worse than you?"
"Because I heard the teacher say in shock '11 wrong !?' so I know." XD yea I dunno who got 11 wrong, but the fact that someone did is good enough for me <3.
LOL Choco-chan started cracking up because it was just 1 more wrong than me. XD but its all good !
So yea, I'm either too optimistic or really stupid. Perhaps both XD.

Oooh ~ for the singing test I got a 100 on that ! :D LOL I failed at like half my lines though :P
It was because it was a long-ish song, and he had to test 32 other people, so he had us sing fast. I couldn't keep up T^T. Luckily, he passed me anyways :D so that was good !

The seniors also sold a lot of cotton candy to the freshman too ! So that was great. LOL I had my friend's brother who is a freshman help sell them for me. Ah ha it's fun getting younger people to do work for you ///child slaver XD.

Okay, so now about meh cave. No wait. I mean meh trip out of cave <3.

I went to the street that's main in streets. ...no wait that makes no sense. LOL Okay I was just out let's just say that XD.
And I ate at a dim sum place. It was yummy x3. I love dim sum food. Don't know why :3 it's just yummy~. Ah haaa and I drank tea <33~. Plus, I had that um ..damn I don't know the name of my favorite dim sum food T^T. It's like that white stuff over the shrimp. LOL Forget it. XD I'll figure out the name for it later. I also love pork buns :D. And the cantonese style rice porridge <3. K enough about food~.
After eating a yummy meal, we went to the dollar store ^^. LOL No not because my family is poor and cheap... well maybe a little XD hahaa jk. Everyone in my family actually has expensive taste in objects XD. I have the most expensive taste in the family though ;P. LOL but due to this, we like to challenge ourselves by going to places like the dollar store. It's like a treasure hunt ! We all try to find something that looks cool/semi-expensive but comes with a cheap price. We can get pretty creative with the stuff we buy :)

 Ah haa so I found some really cool stuff today. You know those pretty glass/crystal things with the 3D images inside? Yea, I stumbled upon those. And I thought they'd be pretty cool gifts. So we bought like 20 of them XD. Haa. So I plan on giving the one with the flag to my social studies teacher. He's like my favorite teacher. He's the reason why I love social studies now <3. He makes history alive~ *rainbow affect*. I think he'll like it 8D because it seems cool XD.

My sister plans on giving the dolphin one to her friend for her birthday. Not sure why, but I thought it was pretty cool. I just don't understand why there's a dolphin jumping over a light house xD. But it still looks pretty 8D.



After my trip to the dollar store, I went to the park :D for some healthy outdoor fun ! Ahahahaha .. no =3=. But the fresh air is nice :D. I feel like a good big sister though ^^ because I was playing and bonding with my little brother. Haha all I did was walk behind him saying "I'm going to get chu!" Since he is only three and his legs are stubly, he can't run very fast XD. But I still burned some calories while walking around :D. I bonded with my sister too ! She was mostly just following me around XD.

And then after the park, I went home and watched One Piece with my family.
LOL My dad, little brothers and sister, and I took out the snacks and started watching. It was fun ^^. I love chocolate chip cookies <3.

Um.. and now I feel like I'm just rambling about my boring day XD. So I think I'll end the post here because nothing much happened today.

Well there was the little dilemma I had, and shared with Rin-chan... but I think I'll end it here anyways :)

K bye byes~

CHINA I CHOOSE YOU <3 !

ah haaa sorry just had to add some Hetalia in here x3

Anyways, blog to ya laters~. ;D

Bad News

LOLOL Sigh. School is once again killing me
Yup, I have tons of studying and homework to do.
Thus, this leads me to the bad news of today. I won't be posting again until Saturday.
TT^TT so sad, ne? ...did you just say no?? :O LOL I feel offended XD. Haha jkkk~ I know you people love my blog posts, deep down x3.

But sigh~

Got to hand in a science project research paper tomorrow.
just got started on it today
and I'm an idiot for blogging this instead of finishing it XD
fml Dx

Got a science mid-term this Friday
 i am luckily doing better. i can actually semi-understand the alien language my teacher speaks ! :'D !!!
but i still needa study very badly. i'm so gonna die

Got to memorize a song by this Friday
i have the memory span of a goldfish T^T. i am so doomed OTL fml fuuuuuu
this'll be the end of me D;

Dad has ordered me to learn new vocabulary.
gotta learn 10 new words by saturday.
but i also gotta copy each one 25 times plus definition.
and all that crappp.
this is luckily not to hard ^^. the only problem is that i didn't start on this yet either ~ xP

and my dad is evil and got me like four books (over like 500 pgs each) that i have to read T^T.
damnnnnn.

Oh gawd. If I die, you know why

LOL Anyways, I gotta go finishhhhh or I shall be in a load of trouble in the near future.

Emiko over and outta here~ ;D

Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day !! :D

Well semi-happy I guess; depends on how you think about it.

Hm.. well let’s start from beginning to end <3 lol because that’s how a story is supposed to be told (despite how many times I do it the other way x3).

Today, I woke up this morning, and boy was I in for a surprise! It’s Valentine’s Day and BAM I’m hit with a confession first thing in the morning. (was chatting with him before I went to school). How sweet, ne ^^? Well yes, I guess I could agree. He is very sweet person and all, but the feeling just isn't there, ya know? My heart belongs to someone else <3. But it's hard saying no to people. I felt so bad T^T. I mean if I hate being rejected (it obviously sucks ^^;). So when I think about how he might feel when I tell him the cold hard truth, I feel so icky and mean inside. I don't like it T^T. My dad says I'm too empathetic and that I need to learn to deal with it for the future >___>. The guy took it well though.. or at least he pretended to be fine...

I go to school afterwards. Did I mention that I was apart of the student government? I'm pretty sure I did. Anyways, my grade's student government was having a flower fundraiser. That involved me preparing and delivering flowers to people today. Sigh. It was a pain because we were so unorganized (I blame our leader). On the bright side, I got flowers :D.... form myself XD LOLOL. Spent $5 on something that's going to rot in three days

It's Choco-chan's sexy arm <3 xD

Above is a picture of what the flowers looked like. To be honest though, that's the flower I received from a boy at my school ^ ^; (different from the one from this morning). The one I got for myself was pink :D ! I had already said "no" to him before, but he still decided to spend money on me for this. The reason why continues to baffle me (money is too expensive to spend ___<. I've only been confessed to by 4 boys in my lifetime. Which is small compared to X-chan's  (makes sense since she's so damn epic !) And I'm sure Choco-chan would get tons too ! ... if her superior smart-ness didn't intimidate people (but I think her superior aura is so cool x3). I don't even understand why guys like me =3=. When I asked the ones that confessed to me, they never seem to know. It's either it takes them a really long time to come up with an answer or they say "I don't know." So no one (*coughgleek-kuncough*) should make a big deal about me and boys later (*coughrin-chancough*).

OH! And I just gotta love how funny my school lunch is. During the holidays, the lunch room always has some weird shaped pretzel. This time the pretzel was in a heart shape :D. And Rin-chan's heart pretzel had another heart on it! So I took a picture ^___^. That's my hand by the way. Doesn't it look hawt? <3  LOL jk XD.

Ne, if you flip a heart upside down, don't you think it looks like a butt? :3 I mean, just think about it for a second. An upside down heart really looks like a butt. ROFL I'm so stupid to think this way XD. But my dear Nyu-san agreed with me ^____^. Speaking of Nyu-san. She tried to attack me today!!! She made me fall off my seat twice TT^TT. I mean... it's really hard to hold onto dear life from the person who's trying to push you off while laughing XD.

Today I had to pass out the attendance folders for after school classes, so some very nice teachers kindly gave me candy for Valentine's Day :)
LOLOL But by the end of the day, I had about a ton of candy. I'm gonna get so fat

Sigh. But the sad part of this day is that I was kind of sort of dumped ? LOL I don't even know if you can refer to it as being dumped. Since like.. we weren't really boyfriend and girlfriend. Mutual feeling relationship.
Sigh I was so damn confused =3=.
I don't want to go into much detail ^ ^; it's depressing.

But there's not much I can do about this situation. sigh. So I'm forced to give up. Which is very unlike me :T
I want to fight~. But I was told not to :L. And it'd make things worse supposedly.

Sigh. I can't do shit. I'm told not to do shit. So I guess I won't do shit about anything.
this whole mess is a load of shit really =__=.
eh~ excuse my French ^ ^;... (ah haaa so much shit XDDD LMAO //im so stupid xD)

When my friend found out about the confession this morning, and how I said no to him (ahh 'rejected' sounds so mean Dx), she said I lost a guy or something like that. That's so messed up Dx. I mean I'm not going to go for another guy just because one didn't like me. That's so player-ish! It's not that easy to fall out of love with someone too xP.
Don't think badly of my friend though. I think she might have meant like it would be easier to forget/move on from this guy by going for the other. Which..doesn't sound so nice either. But still. She means good.

Sigh. I don't know what to do~. But I'll think of something I guess. I always do (well..most of the time XD).

Hmm.. well I guess for now, I'll just focus on school work. Best way to distract/busy myself xP.

Ooooh~ speaking of school work. It really sucks when you have to memorize an entire song in four days when you have the memory span of a 2 year old =3=...fml

Ahh ha I have to go to sleep now. 12:30 am. x_____x I'm so gonna die at school tomorrow. Well wish meh luck then ;P ciaosu~.

Not so Alone

The explanation for how I act.

When I was little, I was that quiet nerd who sat there and smiled while solving whatever questions was flung at me. However, that lead to a rather boring life. Shit don't happen when all you do is survive each day.

When I begun middle school, I learned that. Ha I can honestly say it's because of a certain best friend I have.(*coughlukacough*)

Yup, this friend of mine turned a innocently quiet nerd into a loud and crazy idiot. Or rather, perhaps you could say that she unleashed the crazy inside of me that had been dying to escape. LOL Either way, I'm now a bumbling fool who goes about laughing at everything.

I don't just survive each day now though, I've learned to actually live.

Deep down, it does get a little difficult to do the surviving part of life, but I'll make it through. I mean that's what my friends are here for, right? They've got my back and I've got theirs.

Hmm.. don't know why I'm in a sappily sentimental mood, but I saw this picture and these thoughts came about. There are some people who believes they're better off alone in this world (and I've met some of these people), but in my opinion, no one should be alone, feel alone, or deserve to be alone. Humans are dependent creatures no matter how much a person wants to believe otherwise. That's why I love my friends. They have this amazing ability to help fill in any gaps that formed in my heart. I don't feel so alone when I'm with them. I know I can depend on them too. I trust them.

Well A Few Things Happened... :3

On a dark summer evening, when the clouds were absent and the sun was high, I was wondering very deeply in my closet about why the hell it's suddenly summer and dark when the sun is up and im in this dark confined space. yea.. :3

Yo ho ho xD I'm quite high today. LOL very hyperrr~. So sorry if I make no sense ! because I probably wont for this post ..or maybe I will. Not really sure. In a weird mood XD.

Since the last time I posted,  quite a bit happened. Hmm..where to start first~. Ah Wednesday was fun :) ..well It was but then I felt terrible afterwards. Nyu-san is scary.

PRANK CALL GONE WRONG

well it turned out right, but ended terrible.

Me and Choco-chan finishes after school activities at the same time on Wednesdays, so we walked home together~. We pass by Nyu-san's house on our way home. So we decided to prank call her :3. It seemed like a good idea at first ^ ^;; but... Yea, so I called her pretending to be crying. I think I did pretty well ^^ (spent one year in the theater club :3). I was like "Nyu-san ! Choco-chan and I was crossing the street, and a stupid guy was speeding and ran a red light. And Choco-chan got ran over !!" but of course I said it with a lot of stuttering and fake sobs and it was rushed. It was so cool though! Me and Choco-chan hiding behind her car. We saw Nyu-san just dash right out her door, and started running towards where I told her we were. She was already like 15 feet away from me before I realized she even came out the door. I tried calling her name and ran after her. But she was so focused on trying to get to us that she didn't hear me. When she finally did, she turned around and clobbered me with a hug (well it was more of a sling of her arm around my shoulders), and she started laughing realized it was a prank call. But I think she was laughing out of relief of our safety too :). My friends...who I'll call Angel and Bicky.. was at  Nyu-san's house and ran out too. I feel so bad for Choco-chan because they all three started hitting/kicking her (gently of course) out of anger for tricking them. It's funny that they were worried for her, and didn't want her hurt. But once they saw she was perfectly fine, they started hurting her. People are weird like that :|
I felt so terrible after the prank call though because apparently Nyu-san has had actually cases where people she was closed to has been ran over by car. I had no idea D: and I feel so bad about it.
I'm so sorry, Nyu-san.

So ! The lesson from this is never prank call anybody ever again <3. LOL jk...well it is mean to prank call someone ^ ^;. True lesson is never prank call someone about serious things like death :L

Hmm..let me see...what else happened?

OH ! I remember. Today, at school, there was a "pre-valentine's day" dance. It was okay :)

LOL I CANT DANCE FOR LIFE

Nobody at my school dances ever actually dance. Basically it's just a bunch of people put into the gym that all just sit around. There are those few people who dance, but it's usually those dirty dancing people xP.

I was dancing because I'm cool like that :D. LOL but like I said I suck at dancing. Can't get that whole moving the hips things right orz. I was told I was doing pretty okay, but I believe that was just people being nice xP. LOL I found it funny that one of my classmates told me I looked cute while dancing xD it was so random, and I think I was pretty fail :P. Haha but none of my friends were dancing

And damnnnn my hips hurt D; *rubs meh hips*. ... WAITTTTTT~ no I mean my waist. LOL yea I don't think I've ever told you guys this, but I am an idiot who can't remember the human anatomy correctly

Anyways, I love my friends <3. I love how me and them share common views <3 (but we also bicker about different opinions too xD). Everyday while walking home with them, we always rant like hell together. It's good stress relief :'D. LOL we usually stop at the corner of where we have to part from each other, and stand there ranting for about an hour. Ranting is funnn~ <3.

Besides all this normal stuffu, I also have poetry stuff to share. It's required for each student at my school to submit one poem for this poetry contest my school has. The select three winners, and they all get cash prizes (first prize gets $100 <3). They choose about 50 good poems out of the few hundred or so poems, and put it into a book. LOL anyways, back to the point, since I'm an over achiever :'D (not really), I submitted two poems XD.

And I feel like sharing them with you people :3

Private Eyes

All day you smile and laugh

Trying to make everyone not worry

Caring about others. Never yourself.

But your eyes tell it all

A thousand words they speak

Through your eyes to the soul

I can see a scarred lil’ girl

Your eyes tell it all

The secrets those divine eyes hold

Something dark and cold

Tells the pain brought by memories

Yet holds some things still a mystery.

Exotic and beautiful

Like the sky’s tears

Deep and bold

Like a cat in the night

Intense and awake

Like a blazing torch

Your eyes tell it all

Yearning for attention

Yearning for appreciation

Just wants love

The Lily of the Valley

To me, like little bells.
Pure as white can be.
Always together,
Close in a bundle.
As one, they hold onto life’s rope.

Growing together.

Been that way forever.

Having fun

Soaking in the sun.

But when old Father Time grows older

and Fate’s winds grow stronger,

They begin to wilt brown with change.

No longer pure as one.

All different in the sun.

The bells begin to fall

One by one.

and they take their own path.

Swaying where the wind takes them.

Separated from their friends.

Never looking back.

So yeaa~ I wonder if one of them will be a winner :3.

LOL other than this, I don't think I have anything else to say.

I'm happy it's finally the weekend though. School can be a real killer ^ ^;

Mondays Suck... but today is an exception :)

I dislike Mondays so very much. I never ever look forward to them, and I find Mondays very stupid. It's the day that ends the weekend and begins the week of school; which means homework xP. And like yea, I could go on ranting forever about why I don't like Mondays, but I'll just get to the point of what I'm really getting at here right now.

TODAY IS LUKA-CHAN'S BIRTHDAY :D !! (which happens to be just six days away from the real Luka's birthday. And six just happens to be the number of Grimmjow. Who happens to be a really hawt guy <3 XD).  and I also had a nice morning ^___^ hee hee~. so Monday was great <3

The day before~ I wrote about how I totally forgot to get her something until the very last minute. So luckily, I have this really nice gift shop nearby my house. Saved my life :'D. This gift shop actually has more wedding-y themed items. However, everything in there is still so cute and danty x3 I just want to buy a whole bunch of stuff I know I'll never use from there ^3^. Always go into gift shops, thrift stores, or antique stores. They surprisingly have great stuff there! You just have to look like in a treasure hunt x3. LOL Anyways, Luka-chan is really into the classic stuff (and victorian age, england, gothic, etc~ type stuff xD). So I found the -what I think to be- perfect gift at the little shop :). A tea set ! LOL Now hold on a second. Don't be thinking about those tiny plastic tea sets little girls play with XD I'm not a cheap person when it comes to friends ! It was actually this really pretty tea set of two cups and two slightly heart shaped plates. Each item has this elaborate flower on it in salmon pink (Luka's favorite shade of pink x3). I believe it's porcelain. And well actually... I have a picture of the tea set ^___^ !

Now I know it's a very crappy pictures. In my defense I had to take it in a rush ! And my camera just sucks to begin with XD. Haha but anyways~, this is what I got Luka-chan for her birthday. And I got it for a steal too ! Only $12 :D ! LOL I had to chose between three different sets before I picked this one. I couldn't decide, so I had called her up. I pretended my aunt was coming for the weekend, and that she loved tea, so I needed to buy a tea set. She surprisingly believed me XD (but then again I'm a bad liar and very gullible, so maybe she did know but pretended xD). Haha so anyways, I ended up buying her this tea set :D. To make it seem like I didn't buy her anything special, I pretended I forgot her birthday XD. And to make up for forgetting, I said I was making her 3 super fattening cupcakes. She called me stupid XD.

I also made her a card. I always personally make cards for friends because it makes things more special that way ^___^. Except for some reason, even though this crazy idiot is my best friend, I couldn't think of anything to write in the card ! My mind was drawing total blanks. I had writers block T^T. LOL So I called her up again. I was real blunt and said, "Ne, woman, I don't know what to write on your card." And she went on about how she wants me to put a yaoi pick of Claude and Sebastian from Black Butler (kuroshitsuji) on it. *facepalm. sigh. How'd I know she would make me do something as crazy as that? //been forced to do weird shit for the past three years I've known her XD. Ever since me and her first met, I believe (can't remember, but I think), she's always asked me to tell her stories. And she always has these weird restrictions to them XD so it's like I'm not even the story teller. LOL so as a special treat, instead of writing some corny birthday message (like I usually do xD), I wrote her a story instead :D. Sigh, but since she had me include that yaoi picture, I couldn't think of anything else to write a story about, but yaoi. You see where this story is going now? XD. Now don't think I'm some kind of weirdo freak pervert ! Because I'm not =3= ... *bursts out laughing* LOL XD Yea I can't hide that from you guys. I'm a total pervvv. I'm even nicknamed H at school~ (because H is how you say ecchi in Japanesu~). In my defense though ! I've never watched yaoi before ! That is if you don't count like the 2 minutes I watched when my dad was randomly flipping through the anime channels on my TV. It was so weird, he flipped to this anime where the scene had this guy pinning another guy to a wall and was about to lick his face/kiss him. And my dad was like intently watching it. I was like "DAD ! What the hell!?" He then turned to me and was all like "That is known as yaoi." And I was like "NO SHIT SHERLOCK >O< !" (of course I didn't literally curse in front of my daddy xD //goody goody) but *facepalmmm my dad is stupid XD. But yea I don't count that as "watching." And also, I've never read yaoi manga before (if you don't count like those two volumes of that one manga xD).

ANYWAYS OFF TOPIC HERE XD.

I wrote Luka-chan a yaoi fanfic for her birthday. LOL And because I was ordered to by the birthday girl herself, I'ma copy and paste the fanfic onto my blog :3. Now I shall just let you know ahead of time, this story makes NO SENSE whatsoever because I kept changing my mind on how I wanted things to take place XD. Sebastian is more of a seme-type character, but I made him an uke (just because I felt like it xD). And Sebastian is also apparently bi in this too. Furthermore, I would rate this as a T+ (following fanfiction.net 's rating system). So don't worry, it's not M x3. I also was too afraid to write in much detail. Because I couldn't handle all the spazzing that was taking place as I was writing this XD. LOL

Warning ! Despite this being only T+ the following is somewhat mature-content-y like, so REFRAIN YOURSELF from reading this if you are 12 and under. I mean try to stay innocent for as long as you can~. Just skip to the bottom. Please and thank you ^___^~.

Anyways, here is the yaoi fanfic I wrote for Luka-chan's birthday. Prepare yourself xD I warned you.

Once upon a time, there were two incredibly stupid girls. These two were bestowed the names, Luka and Emiko. The relationship between the two girls is unknown. Anyways, bored on a random Sunday, the day of the Lord. To defy this holy day, Luka had worn a pair of black cat ears. Emiko w earing a devil red sundress. They went strolling into the forest. Of course, ever since they were little, they were told never to go into the forest. But like I said in the beginning, they were stupid. As they kept getting deeper and deeper into the woods, everything began to get darker. Thrilled and excited by the new creepy aura that filled the air, Luka strived forwards; dragging Emiko along (No like literally dragging her. That Luka was scary strong). Little did they know that, lurking in the forest, were two pairs of eyes closely watching them. Unfortunately, Emiko’s bickering and screaming had stopped them in the midst of their… activities. Obviously, annoyed with this, the glasses wearing one had stepped out from the shadows. Noticing this, Emiko had stopped her shouting. Luka had turned to see what had caused for such silence. There she saw two mischievously sexy males step out from behind the trees. Both wearing butler suits; the mark of a demon in this land. In unison, Luka and Emiko had started to scream… like total fangirls! “So sexy!! Kyaaa~! Demons are so hawt !” the two started shouting together. Both rolling on the ground and spazzing. An amused grin took shape on the two demons’ faces. “My, how interesting. Wouldn’t you agree, Claude?” spoke the demon with hair as black as the depths of hell. “Oh yes,  Sebastian. Out of all the centuries placed on this god forsaken land, I have never seen such odd specimens of human beings,” replied the devil in glasses. With a slight embarrassed cough, the two got up from the ground, and dusted themselves off.  “Ne, Luka, have you ever seen a demon before?” Emiko had whispered with a slight hint of worry. “No, but who cares. They’re totally hot.” Ignorantly replied Luka, unaware of the potential danger. Sebastian looked straight into Luka’s eyes. The demon had found his prey. He walked towards her, closing the distance between them, and wrapped one slim figure around her chin. A devilish gleam in his eyes. Casually leaning forward, he whispered into her ear, “May I say, you look rather tasty this fine evening.” Feeling unusually complimented, Luka had giggled. Claude had just rolled his eyes at the fool of a demon, annoyed he had made the first move onto the fair lady.  “Tch. What a bastard.” thought Claude, “He only likes her cat ears.” There Claude had sat on the ground, sulking with his loss. With lack of attention from a sexy demon, Emiko had  also sat on the floor. Sebastian, realizing the dull mood in the air, had concocted  a rather mischievous plan. “Madam?” Sebastian had spoke, carelessly petting the fake cat ears upon Luka’s head. “Hm?” Luka had responded. “Would you like to see…  a show?” “What kind of show?” “A brilliant performance between two males.” Interested, Luka had agreed to see it. Sebastian had leaned towards Claude, and whispered something into his ear. With an approving nod, Claude had gotten up. Luka had taken the notion to sit down next to Emiko. The two demons had positioned themselves in front of the two ladies. Then Sebastian had moved towards Claude, loosening his tie. As he was doing so, Claude had cupped Sebastian’s face with his left hand, tilting it upwards. “Focus here instead.” Claude had seductively whispered, licking his lips. Sebastian grinned, “If you so wish.” Slowly, the two leaned in closer  to each other when finally their lips touched.  An electrifying sensation coursed through them, and they began to get a little rougher.  Claude had bitten Sebastian’s lips, begging for entrance. Unwilling to control the desire, Sebastian separated his lips, letting Claude’s tongue slip in.   His demonousity taking over, Sebastian had taken a nibble at Claude’s supple lips. “Tch. You whore.” Claude gasped as he felt the slight sting of Sebastian’s bite. Blood started to trickle from the edge of his mouth. To get back at Sebastian, Claude had made the first move to strip him of the bastard of an obstacle separating Claude from skin contact; clothing. The whole time, Luka and Emiko sat there closely together, spazzing. Their eyes wanting the unspeakable. Sebastian’s chest and well built abs was then exposed to the dangers of what Claude could do. Kissing Sebastian’s mouth, he continued going downwards toward his stomach, and then even lower. “Nughhnn.” Sebastian moaned. He couldn’t stand that this glasses wearing brick was making feel such pleasure.  Sebastian tried to release Claude of his binding clothes. Claude only smirked, and with one hand, he pinned down both of Sebastian's hands. With his free hand, he reached for Sebastian’s pants. All the while, kissing him gently on the lips. Pissed, Sebastian had pushed Claude so that he was now on top. Sebastian ripped Claude’s clothing off, annoyed with its presence. He was going to make Claude moan so loud that the even God will hear him in the heavens for pay back of embarrassing him so just a few minutes ago. He had taken his tongue and…

“AHHHHHHHHHH~!!” screamed Luka as she jolted awake, scaring the living crap out of Emiko.
“What the hell, woman?!” yelled a pissed off Emiko.
“I just had the craziest dream!” Luka said.

THE END

<3

LOL so as you can see it wasn't that perverted of a story ^_^. Haha or you might believe otherwise XD. Don't really matter to me. This is my blog after all :3. And since this entry is getting really long due to the story, I'ma just end it here :P.All you need to understand from this entry today is that Mondays have the possibility to be great :'D. I know it seemed impossible, but it can actually be done! YAY~ XD LOL but Mondays are seriously rarely ever good.

Oh, and Luka-chan really liked her gift. I think between the tea set and the yaoi fanfic, I think she liked the yaoi fanfic more XD ROFL. YUP ! My best friend is a perv. LOL <3.
But I know she liked the tea set too ^___^. Because well she said she did XD. And because she likes tea :D and tea cups because of Kuroshitsuji and whatnot~. So yea, don't think I got her this outrageously weird/odd gift, and she didn't like it. I know what my friends like~ *smirk. x3.

Anyways, I need to sleeppp because I am unfortunately human :3. Haha so I hope you enjoyed~ ;D.
Bye peoples~ <3

I CANT BELIEVE FORGOT !

Oh mi gosh !! Tomorrow is Luka-chan's birthday, and I totally forgot to get her something TT^TT !!

//full on panic mode XD;;

I was planning on getting her something super cool, but when February came, I forgot her birthday would be in just a matter of six days. I FAIL !! I can't believe I'm this stupid. LOL So I gotta go shopping today. I wonder if my dad will let me. I was supposed to buy something for her when I went out yesterday, but I just couldn't find anything that screamed "LUKA." I didn't want to buy her something she wouldn't like. My dad started lecturing me about it though. He was all like "She's your best friend, and you can't think of what to buy her? That's just sad." And he was all pissed off that I wasted his time in taking me out. Which is real stupid because he didn't have to come =__=. He said I was aimlessly walking around, and calling me stupid. But I wasn't just aimlessly walking around ! I know what she likes. I mean is it really my fault that the stupid stores we went to didn't have the kind of things that she would like to have? I wish he understood that :T. Haha, so I'm going to have to convince him to let me go out later today~. If I can't then >____< well I'm doomed. I wonder how things will work out ^ ^;;.

But besides all that ~ I'm doing pretty good :>

LOL I'm kind of lazy at the moment, so I don't really feel like writing any more ^ ^;.

Haha sooo~ yea. I'ma go now. And find out how I'm going to fix this whole birthday problem XDD.

What Shit Watson?

LOLOL Anyone here a fan of Sherlock Holmes? XD

How about the phrase, "No shit Sherlock?"

XD Well for my group of friends, that's like our favorite phrase. Haha we all say such redundant things all the time, that the phrase is so commonly spoken.

Haha but Rin-chan decided to put her own spin on it XD. Now she says "No shit Watson." LOL Because supposedly there is only one Sherlock. So she can't be callin' other people Sherlock. Hense why she changed it to Watson. And that Sherlock is her~. Which is a good laugh since she acts so air headed at times XDD. If Rin-chan could be counted as Sherlock, we'd all be doomed ! But I'll let her dream, and keep calling her Sherlock XD.

Supposedly, I'm Watson #1 ! :D and Luka-chan is Watson #3 !
LOL We don't have a Watson #2 because we can't counttt. so it went from 1 and jumped 3 XD

And we changed the phrase to "What shit Watson?" XDD
Sigh. We're so weird.

OOOOH !!! AND NYU-SAN IS CRICK ! :D
My dear, Crick ! Yesh she is ^_____^
Crick is mine! Nobody can have her. No steal. Okay ? :D

ROFL Why are me and my friends roleplaying Sherlock? I have no idea.
But it's funny. Especially since none of us has ever actually read the book or seen the movie XD.
I read the simplified version for kids when I was little. Does that count? LOL.

Haha well that's all I have to say at the moment really XD. Just felt like sharing this. Dunno why~.

LOLOL CRICK AND WATSON <333

I'm the guy with the funny lookin' hair cut. And Nyu is the funny lookin' dude on the left. XD

SaD aNd HaPpYy ~ //moodswingsss ?

Sigh. Don't you just hate it when you're faced with obstacles? Obstacles that you just don't know how to get around? It's also a pain in the butt to face these kinds of obstacles if you have a big imagination or read too many books/watched too many movies. You start to think up of all sorts of crazy reasons for why these obstacles exists. These ideas start out normal, quite cliche. Then after a while they get more and more outrageous. I like to stop at the point of ultimate confusion XD. Today that happened to me. I have this problem. Can't really say because it's so unique the person(s) will know what it is I'm talking about. So you people are just going to have to deal with the limited knowledge of knowing, I have a problem, and that's it :3. LOL so anyways~, this problem is starting to be a pain in the ass. I've never really experienced such a thing, so I have no clue what to do. It's quite funny actually. I've come up with all the possible reasons for why such a problem has occurred, but there's no telling what is the answer; which idea is right. I find it amusing that with this imaginative mind I have, I cannot come up with any way to solve it. I tried asking Luka-chan for help. But she doesn't really seem to know what she's doing either XD. So I've reached a dead end~. I hate dead ends
(lol doesn't everybody?).

Today really sucks though. Not only because I'm facing a difficult obstacle in life, but also for other things~. For instance, Gleek-kun keeps insisting that I hate him. that we're not friends anymore. Sigh. It's so annoying when people do that. They're all like "Do you hate me? Are we not friends anymore? You seem mad." I keep telling him, "No I'm not angry. I don't hate you. We're still friends." But every day he keeps bringing that up. I HONESTLY DONT HATE YOU GLEEK-KUN. Please believe that. Right now, I'm just not feeling too well. My patience level and tolerance for people is rather low at the moment. I'm sorry that I might have been snapping at you a bit too much, Gleek-kun. It's just I need some space right now I guess. Yea, I might sling my arm around Nyu-san or link myself to Rin-chan, but that's because they let me be, and unburden me with all my worries. Sigh. I know it's unfair towards Gleek-kun, but I.. I really just don't know what to say right now. Gleek-kun if you're reading this (and I know you probably are), I don't hate you. Okay? I don't lie.

Today also sucks because I took a science test. And for once I actually studied. Shocking I know XD. I'm such a cocky bastard, so I don't study for tests. However, lately, I haven't been doing so well in science class. Today was a major major tests, so I actually bothered to study. I studied for an hour and half ! That's gotta be the longest time I've ever studied. And guess what? I FAILED OTL. It just sucks when that happens. LOL I tried to look real happy about it though. I got too much pride, despite what others may think ^ ^;. There was 38 questions in total on the test. My goal was to get no more than half wrong (meaning i must get 19+ questions correct). And guess what, I got 7 wrong OTL. damn, I fail. I know that means I passed my goal. And honestly, I really did expect to get at least half of the questions wrong. But 7 wrong is still like a 70~80 something (too lazy to calculate exact score). Luka-chan got a 95 !! TT^TT damn it I'm a failure. //competative xD

Sighhhh. so yea, today sucked. really really sucked. fo' real.
(LOL bed intruder song Reference XD).

On the bright side (cuz there always is one ///liess xD), I didn't have to go to work today :D. LOL I really don't know for sure why. But supposedly they're watching a movie, so I wasn't needed. I mean I can't really tutor kids if they're watching a movie XD. Oh ho ho~ But I'm happy because I didn't want to go to workk today. I feel too crappy to work. I mean those kids are so darn spoiled and complain all the time. It's just annoying to be around them sometimes. But I also love them too :) because they're so cute >w< and they give me such adorable lil' drawings :'D. They love me too ! <333. Because I'm nice ^___^ (they're lyingggg XD) ~
LOL Oh! Speaking of the kids loving me, one of them gave me a confession note! XD LOL IT WAS SO ADORABLE !! <3. Haha he's only in like ..uh.. first grade? XD I'm not sure. No wait I think he's a second grader or maybe 3rd.... >___> omg I dont remember. Well it doesn't matter, he's somewhere in elementary school. No wait I remember now xD ! He's in second grade. yup :3. Haha but I swear it was the cutest thing on earth! He took pink paper, and wrote "I like you." on it, and warpped it up in some origami type envelope. It was so sweet >w<. Luckily, since he's young~ he didn't feel to bad when I had to reject him.

I told him, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I really like you too... but I already have someone I like ^ ^;."
"You have a boyfriend?! :O " he seemed so shock, as if it wasn't possible. i know he's young, but i couldn't help but feel a bit offended XD.
"Uh..well I don't know if you can call him that..." I replied unsure of what to say ^ ^;;...
"Do you love him though?" now damn, when he asked this I was like "what kind of second grader asks this kind of stuff?" XD //was very surprised.
But of course I replied, "Mhm ^__^ I love him very much."
"Then he's lucky :) " and I suppose satisfied with this, the boy went back to doing his homework~.

I swear, that's gotta be the weirdest conversation I've had with someone who is of his age. He's so maturee that it's kinda scary xD. I mean not even my own brother says stuff like that. And he's a year older than this boy! Plus, I mean he's my brother. That makes him at least ten times smarter than all the other boys. LOL JK XD. But still. Kids these days continuously surprise me all the time. I mean they may be small and inexperienced, but don't underestimate them or else you're in for a surprise or two x3

ROFL SO NOW I JUST GOT SUPER OFF TOPIC~ XDD.

I'm very moody I guess. First moment, I'm all sad and gloom. Next moment, I share this cute story with you. My life is just colorful I guess XD.

well...other than that I really don't have anything else to say ^ ^;. 

so uh.. BYE BYES :D

ps. THIS WAS REALLY LONG. GOMEN >_____<"

Shit Out of Luck

Oh gawsh, I haven't posted since Tuesday~ :O !! Gomen nasi >__< !
This time I have no excuse though. XD;;. Had lots of homework, but was surprisingly able to finish early.
Chose to use that extra time to sleep. I can't believe I chose sleep over blog OTL shame on me.

LOL So during those two-ish days I skipped out on blogging, quite a bit has happened (it's been going on a whole lot longer than two days though :X).
...>___> Can't really say. But what is happening is killing me inside. I've been stressed out real bad. Nothing I do ever seems to be right. I'm always making the wrong move. Things always backfire on me. I suck. I'm stupid. I'm a problem magnet. Everything would probably work out better if I wasn't here. here on this god forsaken earth. Why am I here? What the hell kind of purpose do I have ? To screw everything up? To hurt people? Everything I touch becomes gray and sad. Like what the hell?? I'm damn frustrated with this!! No matter what I do, I always fail. And I just don't know what to do. It's like.. god damn it! I don't know! I can't concentrate on anything, but this problem. I don't have a damn clue on what to do either. I... I feel utterly and completely useless. It's because I am, and I always will be. Sigh. I really hate myself. I do. I honestly do. and Damn. I can't believe I'm actually crying right now. I hate crying. My nose starts to hurt for some stupid reason, and my vision gets all damn blurry. But that's besides the point right now. I often hear people say, "Try, try again." Well what if you try your best so many times you start to lose count, and nothing ever improves? nothing ever gets better?
I'm shit out of luck here, people. I'm stuck. I'm a mess. And this is just terrible.

Ha! I bet people here who are reading this (especially my "friends") are probably like "What the fuck?"
Well I'm damn sorry, okay? I tried. I seriously did. I wish I could act like a happy-go-lucky gal' for all my life. But like damn it I have no one to talk to. I'm not all rich and what not to afford a stupid therapist. No way in hell am I going to talk to the guidance councilor. And I'm not going to be some idiot who burdens their friends with shitty issues like this. I've already given them enough trouble. No need to make it worse. I guess sharing this on my public blog is kind of contradiction that, but at this point I really just don't give a damn. I'm cornered, and this is my temporary escape.

Sigh. anyways sorry for my language. To be honest, I have a real bad cursing habit. Don't really show much to people, unless I'm real good friends with them.. or if I'm super pissed off like I am now. The cursing would've probably sound a whole lot worse if I had less self control :| so be grateful.