Today. Today was a day. Just a plain day, no different from any other day. The world got a bit bigger, maybe better. I grew a little smarter. Probably learned a bunch of stuff without even realizing it. Not as in 1+1, but like life experiences. I rolled up my sleeves, and got working. I was cleaning today. It's been awhile :P. My smile brightened. The clean feeling was nice. And I started thinking about my life. The image of normalcy, simplicity with its routinely ways. It's contently satisfying. And I keep thinking. What am I so happy about... most people feel a need for excitement, drama. In all honesty, I wish I could escape drama, but it seems to follow me unintentionally... >__>. Bound to my ways, problems are like shackles of burden. Oh God, what to do about it? :T
I did the dishes and wiped the table. Thought about this and that. It made me kind of sad. So I tore my mind away from those thoughts, and fiddled with the TV. It wouldn't work for some reason. I realized I was running. Running away from what bothered me deep down. Sigh. I've run far enough to not worry about it anymore. But I think I've ran a little too far, and reached the north pole or something because I feel a bit numb inside. Dunno how to explain it, but I haven't been able to get hyped up about something in awhile. I've lost my motivation to do things. It's complicated.
Somehow, I'm happy though. Despite all the weird emotions going on inside me, life is pretty nice. When I was little, life wasn't like this. I used to never know what would happen the next day, or where I would be. Everything was filled with uncertainty, always changing. Nothing was stable. It was terrible. Now though, it's different. I live in a cozy lil' place in NY. I go to school, have fun with friends, and come home. The next day is the same. A fun day to me is taking the whole family out to Carvel or maybe a quick trip to the park. Something simple like that can make me happy.
Some people would count going to five star restaurants or on a cruise trip as something luxurious and fun. But sometimes simple things aren't so bad either.
Those weird emotions I was talking about are probably just normal teen stuff. ...well semi-normal stuff because nothing involving me is ever normal xD. Sigh, but even so, it's not that great of me to ignore the issue. I do that a lot. Whatever makes me upset is quickly tossed away, sent to the darkest corner of my heart. I don't like thinking about it. I don't like things involving it. Like I said earlier, I run away from whatever dare threatens my happy-self. I suppose it's how I stay so "optimistic". But it's still not a good way to handle the bad things in life. ^ ^;; if I treat all problems in life like this, than I'll never learn anything from them.
But I don't wanna deal with the sad stuff ;A; because it'll make me sad. (redundant, but true :P). Sigh. What a dilemma, ne? :T
