Wednesday, October 31, 2012

i'm just really annoyed right now

The rain had finally stopped. For awhile there, I was beginning to worry. The rain came down with no end. It was as if the sky's heart was broken, and the tears wouldn't stop! It sent it's anger down upon the Earth in the form of hurricane Sandy. The storm crashed about wildly and wrecked homes like a crazed bull on a rampage. The terror has yet to end too! The power lines are down, and people are panicking about.

But somehow, I've made it out alright so far. Perhaps a few trees had tipped over here and there, incapable of holding its ground any longer and feeling the need to hug the Earth one last time. The streets are flooded, and the wind is chilled. But I'm alright, alive and well. Haven't left the house once as I listened to the storm beckon me away with its constant banging of my window. It's strong winds howled. My sister flinching at every sound. If Sandy had stayed any longer, I'm sure it would've driven our sanity to the point of desertion!

Luckily, the power is intact, and school is cancelled until Monday. I hadn't taken this opportunity to blog a bit more 'till now though. I've been working on homework, reading manga, and listening to the sexy voices of Kat-Tun. Oh, sweet sweet Kazuya ♥. What a joy it was  ^u^.

I've been feeling kind of aimless though. I've reached one of those points in life where I find myself lost .___. like idk what's the point to what I'm doing anymore.... No, wait, that's not the right way to explain it. I'm lost in the sense that I know my destination, but I don't know which path to take to get there. Of course, I want a future where I'll be rich and happy 8D.... but I'm told that I need high grades and good schooling. Yet, I'm also told that such things aren't necessarily needed. Then, there's my dad blabbering on about how I should learn java, and a whole bunch of other computer stuff. And I'm just sitting here wishing I could become a manga editor ;w; (I've been reading too much Bakuman lately xD).

LOL I'm not serious about the manga editor thing. Sigh. I'm thinking about becoming a psychologist or a write or an engineer. I need a passion though! To be honest, I don't have a passion. I'm not super indulged into reading, or photography, or computers, or music, or art, or anything really!

My dad constantly tells me "Learn Java, photoshop, illustrator, Ubutu, windows, programming." It's just constant computers, computers, computers. Plus, I also have like ecosystems, and Hinduism, Confucianism, and dirty dozen grammar skills just bouncing off the walls of my mind all the time.

It's come to the point that I'm so overwhelmed that I'm calm! You know what I mean? It's like if the water is hot enough, it'll feel cold. Have you ever felt that? Turned the water so hot that when you put your hand under, it'll feel cold for a few seconds. ...If you haven't, I'm not saying you should. LOL the afteraffects hurt like hell XD.

Anyways, what I'm saying here is that I don't know where to go. I've liked my schedule of sleep, school, homework, eat, sleep, and then repeat. With the next few days off, I've had time to do more. Except, all I find myself doing is homework (my social studies teacher posts homework ahead of time, so I'm doing that). I feel like I should be reading non-fiction (which I'm really weak in) or learning Java or doing something.

My life isn't just grades, but I don't know what else to do besides focus on that! That's why I feel like I'm going to fail in life because all I can do is get good grades. Grades are important, but they don't mean everything. If that's all I'm good at though, then I consider myself a failure no matter how high the grades are. TT______________TT.

I need a passion... but I can't find it. I hear that's what makes people successful. They can often turn their passion into money, and it would be fun too since they're doing what they love. But how can I live that kind of dream if I don't have a passion?? UGH ! This whole thing is just pissing me off =___=.

My dad is dead set in his belief that Java will be my forever passion or some crap like that, but I really find no interest in it at all! I think it's the fact that he pushes me so hard that I don't want to do it. I have this feeling that I'm just going to utterly fail at it, and disappoint him. Passion or not, that won't be fun! So I've settled on just not doing it at all... which isn't a very good solution either.


I dont know. I'm just frustrated, and writing it all out hasn't really helped me come to a solution. That upsets me :V

2 comments:

  1. The first two paragraphs. :o
    You write so well. :)
    I think we're all overwhelmed. We'll find a way out of this and you'll find your passion and succeed in it. Whatever you choose I think your dad will be proud of you and eventually support it. Just keep doing what you love. I think eventually it'll lead somewhere.

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  2. Fathers are always like that but in the end, parents will support you :)

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