So I decided to fuck memoirs and trying to find my "niche" for now. LOL.
I'll get around to it...eventually.
I haven't posted in a while (mostly too busy playing League of Legends and doing homework :P)
I'm currently slightly sick right now, feeling better though, and need to finish geometry homework (graphing on line paper ftw! :'D). So for now, I'll share a little piece to catch you up.
Life with mah boyfriend is going wonderfully~. ^o^. I can't wait to see him everday, and I try to see him as much as possible (since we don't have any classes together :c ). I feel like I'm growing slightly clingy, but like.... I can't help it? >__<.
And no, we haven't kissed yet~ :P (everybody always asks us this .___. ). Hopefully, this will change soon >D. LOL. But it's okay too~. I know this one couple who has been dating for like a yearr~, and hasn't kissed yet Cx. It's kinda sweet, but crazy at the same time o3o.
Nairb is really amazing though. He wants to see and accept both the good and bad parts about me. And everyday his actions show me that he'll really love me through thick and thin. But even though I know this, I'm having trouble with showing him the little idiosyncrasies of myself. It's like, with a friend, I can be retarded as hell. It's because I don't give a damn about what they think of me. For Nairb though, I want him to always think I'm..in a sense... perfect, or as close as I can be to perfect.
I'm a very confident person... but only because I know all my good qualities, and I know how to show them off. With being able to always appear as this great person, you get kind of confident. But, that means I hide all my imperfections, the things I'm self conscious of.
Like, I don't wear pony tails in public... because it shows off my face, and makes it look chubby :c. Plus, the back of my neck is very red and stupid looking. Aint nobody wants to see that :P. I think my ears look weird too :T
I never show my feet to the public~ (wearing socks to a friend's house) because I think my feet look weird. My toes are oddly long and thin o3o.
I don't let people look at my hands up close either. I have a lot of imperfections to hide :c
I don't just show you my imperfections just because you tell me you won't judge me. It's like, I know you'll secretly judge me anyway o-o. A few close friends like Luka, Rin, and Choco have been able to see some of my imperfectionss. There comes a point when I can trust a person not to judge, but that comes with a lot of trust.
I don't know when it'll come to the point where I'll trust Nairb enough to show him the bad of me.
OH! By the way, I think I'm growing a cheek fetish xD;. I just can't help, but pinch, rub, carress people's cheeks~. I know how all my friend's cheeks feel. My favorite though is, of course, Nairb's cheeks >w<. Like omgs~. They're just like... idk. they feel magical :O.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Saturday, April 6, 2013
A Thought In Progress
So my dad wants me to focus on coming up with an actual "niche" for this blog of mine. He suggested writing stories~. I don't really know what I want my niche to be. I kinda like just wondering in my thoughts~ as I do now.
I can't be that blog talks about book reviews because I don't read.
I can't be a cooking receipe blog because I don't cook... often. LOL. I'm in cooking club, but I've gotten bored of that lately :P.
I can't be that technology and gadgets blog because I don't tinker around very much.
And I don't want to be giving love advice or gossip stories because those usually end badly, or my advice skills suck D;
I don't know what to do.
I could try to write stories, most likely fictional stories. Those are fun. Creative writing is one of my favorites. ...but I can never seem to finish the stories. I'm not one to make promises when I know I may not be able to keep them, so all I can say for now, is that I shall try. I'ma try to write a story (: next time I am to blog.
I don't know if I want to jump into fictional writing yet though. I might ease into such kind of writing. Maybe I'll start out with memoirs. memoirs with exaggerations. memoirs straying from reality. I mean, that's what fiction is, right? Starting with a simple story. The truth with a whole lot of pa-zazz added.
It's a thought in progress, but we'll see. Dad just says to find a specific niche. I'm on the hunt for one now :)
I can't be that blog talks about book reviews because I don't read.
I can't be a cooking receipe blog because I don't cook... often. LOL. I'm in cooking club, but I've gotten bored of that lately :P.
I can't be that technology and gadgets blog because I don't tinker around very much.
And I don't want to be giving love advice or gossip stories because those usually end badly, or my advice skills suck D;
I don't know what to do.
I could try to write stories, most likely fictional stories. Those are fun. Creative writing is one of my favorites. ...but I can never seem to finish the stories. I'm not one to make promises when I know I may not be able to keep them, so all I can say for now, is that I shall try. I'ma try to write a story (: next time I am to blog.
I don't know if I want to jump into fictional writing yet though. I might ease into such kind of writing. Maybe I'll start out with memoirs. memoirs with exaggerations. memoirs straying from reality. I mean, that's what fiction is, right? Starting with a simple story. The truth with a whole lot of pa-zazz added.
It's a thought in progress, but we'll see. Dad just says to find a specific niche. I'm on the hunt for one now :)
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
That Strage Parent
My dad is quite the odd parent if I do say so myself.
Lately, I haven't been studying because I've found myself too caught up in the excitement of League of Legends. LOL. Sounds kind of lame, but it's a really fun game in my defense XD. It's come to the point where he's put parental control on my internet access so that it gets cut off at midnight.... or 11:59 to be specific. Gosh. I feel like my dad is starting to troll me xD;;.
Anyways, he doesn't just flat out tell me "Hey, you're being a stupid kid. Stop it or you'll be punished like hell."
No, instead the man goes out into the rain to grab a smoke. During his time out, he finds an old regents biology exam book, and brings it home. I hear him walk into the room, and say "Hey, you." Next thing I know, I have a small, wet book being flung at me! Good thing I have reflexes o3o... And to explain himself, my father goes, "This is what you should be doing. This is an example of some kid who's doing the right thing; who has the will to put effort into their life."
It's a strange method, but it really got the point across. I mean, my dad really knows how to hit the right spots for me. He knows I don't like competition or knowing that there's someone better than me. That's why I guess showing me this book, which probably comes from some kid living right next door to me, really makes me wanna go study, so I can at least beat this kid. Haha. As long as I beat someone, IM HAPPY. xD. This kid is pretty smart though, so I gots my work cut out for me ;A;.
No, but like, I don't know why my dad is this upset with me. My overall grade average is 95.5, and rising. I have 90s and above in all my classes (a 100 in Latin class). I'm improving. I'm actually working harder because of the fact that I'm playing games. If my overal grade average drops below 90 even once my dad will take away my allowance. I need that for my cake cravings ;A;.
Harr, BUT. I do admit, I should be studying for regents. It's almost time, scarily enough ;A;. I WILL STARTT. And I mark this officially. (cuz everything is better when it's official Cx). //determined. (watch it only last for like a week though o3o)
Lately, I haven't been studying because I've found myself too caught up in the excitement of League of Legends. LOL. Sounds kind of lame, but it's a really fun game in my defense XD. It's come to the point where he's put parental control on my internet access so that it gets cut off at midnight.... or 11:59 to be specific. Gosh. I feel like my dad is starting to troll me xD;;.
Anyways, he doesn't just flat out tell me "Hey, you're being a stupid kid. Stop it or you'll be punished like hell."
No, instead the man goes out into the rain to grab a smoke. During his time out, he finds an old regents biology exam book, and brings it home. I hear him walk into the room, and say "Hey, you." Next thing I know, I have a small, wet book being flung at me! Good thing I have reflexes o3o... And to explain himself, my father goes, "This is what you should be doing. This is an example of some kid who's doing the right thing; who has the will to put effort into their life."
It's a strange method, but it really got the point across. I mean, my dad really knows how to hit the right spots for me. He knows I don't like competition or knowing that there's someone better than me. That's why I guess showing me this book, which probably comes from some kid living right next door to me, really makes me wanna go study, so I can at least beat this kid. Haha. As long as I beat someone, IM HAPPY. xD. This kid is pretty smart though, so I gots my work cut out for me ;A;.
No, but like, I don't know why my dad is this upset with me. My overall grade average is 95.5, and rising. I have 90s and above in all my classes (a 100 in Latin class). I'm improving. I'm actually working harder because of the fact that I'm playing games. If my overal grade average drops below 90 even once my dad will take away my allowance. I need that for my cake cravings ;A;.
Harr, BUT. I do admit, I should be studying for regents. It's almost time, scarily enough ;A;. I WILL STARTT. And I mark this officially. (cuz everything is better when it's official Cx). //determined. (watch it only last for like a week though o3o)
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Finding Myself in this Hazy Weather
You know, to be honest, I don't like this time of adolescents at all~. Being a teen is baffling.You're too old to be a child, but too young to be an adult. And during this time of confusion, you have to be able to find yourself as well. The worst part of it is that when I was a child, I thought I already knew myself. Now, I'm told that I haven't discovered anything at all? Whenever I think about stuff like this, I come to all sorts of conclusions about myself. Afterwards, I feel pretty accomplished, but only to find out two weeks later that I've changed into a different self. And I have to go through how many years of this nonesense? LOL. Not sure what to do about this, so my only solution is to blog! haha XD.
Okay, so far in my life, I've established that I'm a fun and happy person with a weak sense of will power. LOL. I've also confirmed that I don't really have the face or know-how on being one of those cute-sy Asian girls. Like have any of you realized that Asian girls are really really cute-sy? o3o. I'm asain, and like.... I can't be cute at all. I'm more of a "HAHA. That's adorable. Nice try, kid *pat pat" kind of cute. LOL. Thus, with this kind of mentality, I have become witty and coolsies and perhaps, a little bad ass-ish(?) :'D.
BUT HIGH SCHOOL HAS DESTROYED THE LOGICC about myself.
LOL because lately, I've been trying to act cute ;A;. Like not neccessarily trying, just have been. I think it's because all my guy classmates have like suddenly realized that I'm not some scary smart lady, so they've begun to tease meh D; In the beginning of the year, I was like quiet and proper during class, and everybody had this idea that I'm some super ingenius person who's way above their level. LOL. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? XD Stupid lil' meh was seen to be smart? Haha, then I started doing group work with people, and everybody was like "OMG. Emiko is just like meee." LOL. And somehow that gave invitation for boys to be messing with me ;A; because apparently, I'm really fun to tease.
So my natural instinctual protection sequence is to act cute and be like "Stahpp it~. You're being a meanie pants~." AND IDKY. LOL. Like what the fuck is a meanie pants? XD. It's like "MHMM. That's right. Your pants are mean~!" no. That just doesnt work o3o.
OH! And aside from trying to handle attention in less retarded ways, I've started talking like real ghetto-ish. LOOL. I'm just like "This ain't gonna work no more" or "That guy be cray cray." But a wannabe-cute, witty, comical chic can't be talking ghetto. It doesn't work that way ;A;.
I believe this is what one would call "finding oneself." Eughh. D; Harr.
Lately, I've been upset though~ because all them stupid ass boys be picking on meh D;
Like apparently, I'm not a girl to them, but still a girl. A girl leaning toward the manly side. or something like that LOL. And it's like everyday, I gots at least one guy telling me I'm fat, stupid, or manly. It's like gawsh ;A; people are so harsh. And I'm not even fat D;
It's really stupid. Whenever I say out right, "I'm fat", some guy would be like "You're being a stupid girl~. You're not fat~." Then like five minutes later, that same guy will call me fat. >3<;;
So I'm upset~ because trying to take all of that from like ten guys everyday just sucks~. And I mean like it shouldn't bother me, but it does. Getting bullshit from one or two people is nothing, but from many it's like ughhh. Of course, I understand they're just "teasing" or "messing around", but it still sucks. Like sometimes I just don't know :V. At some point, I will break down xP. Last Thursday, I just went all silent and gloomy because I didn't know what to do anymore. That's really weird for me too because I'm never quiet. Haha XD.
At the end of the day, it was really nice though. Because of uh... idk let's call him Chouchou~ (it means "pet" in French, and he's totes my pet ^^) . He took me "bread shopping" after going on and on about how he didn't like bread. LOL. I mean it's really nice when you're having a bad day, and then your friend acts all stupid, bat-shit funny on you xD. He came and saved my day unintentionally though~. Chouchou is that kind of friend who just makes you go "what the fuck? XD" the entire day because he just says the darnest things. haha.
Chouchou and I went to visit Pari-chan, bought some breadd (he forced me to buy bread because he "didnt want to be the only one buying stuff" xD), and semi-prank called Luka-chan. LOL. It was amazing :P.
OH. And last Friday was my one month anniversary with Nairb ♥♥♥.
The gift he decided to give me was himself. And I was like "OMGG. SO HAPPY~ I'll cherish 'it' forever ;w;". And my gift to him was myself. LOL. I put a gift bow on my face and everything. XD. We're an amazing couple. legits =w=b.
Okay, so far in my life, I've established that I'm a fun and happy person with a weak sense of will power. LOL. I've also confirmed that I don't really have the face or know-how on being one of those cute-sy Asian girls. Like have any of you realized that Asian girls are really really cute-sy? o3o. I'm asain, and like.... I can't be cute at all. I'm more of a "HAHA. That's adorable. Nice try, kid *pat pat" kind of cute. LOL. Thus, with this kind of mentality, I have become witty and coolsies and perhaps, a little bad ass-ish(?) :'D.
BUT HIGH SCHOOL HAS DESTROYED THE LOGICC about myself.
LOL because lately, I've been trying to act cute ;A;. Like not neccessarily trying, just have been. I think it's because all my guy classmates have like suddenly realized that I'm not some scary smart lady, so they've begun to tease meh D; In the beginning of the year, I was like quiet and proper during class, and everybody had this idea that I'm some super ingenius person who's way above their level. LOL. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? XD Stupid lil' meh was seen to be smart? Haha, then I started doing group work with people, and everybody was like "OMG. Emiko is just like meee." LOL. And somehow that gave invitation for boys to be messing with me ;A; because apparently, I'm really fun to tease.
So my natural instinctual protection sequence is to act cute and be like "Stahpp it~. You're being a meanie pants~." AND IDKY. LOL. Like what the fuck is a meanie pants? XD. It's like "MHMM. That's right. Your pants are mean~!" no. That just doesnt work o3o.
OH! And aside from trying to handle attention in less retarded ways, I've started talking like real ghetto-ish. LOOL. I'm just like "This ain't gonna work no more" or "That guy be cray cray." But a wannabe-cute, witty, comical chic can't be talking ghetto. It doesn't work that way ;A;.
I believe this is what one would call "finding oneself." Eughh. D; Harr.
Lately, I've been upset though~ because all them stupid ass boys be picking on meh D;
Like apparently, I'm not a girl to them, but still a girl. A girl leaning toward the manly side. or something like that LOL. And it's like everyday, I gots at least one guy telling me I'm fat, stupid, or manly. It's like gawsh ;A; people are so harsh. And I'm not even fat D;
It's really stupid. Whenever I say out right, "I'm fat", some guy would be like "You're being a stupid girl~. You're not fat~." Then like five minutes later, that same guy will call me fat. >3<;;
So I'm upset~ because trying to take all of that from like ten guys everyday just sucks~. And I mean like it shouldn't bother me, but it does. Getting bullshit from one or two people is nothing, but from many it's like ughhh. Of course, I understand they're just "teasing" or "messing around", but it still sucks. Like sometimes I just don't know :V. At some point, I will break down xP. Last Thursday, I just went all silent and gloomy because I didn't know what to do anymore. That's really weird for me too because I'm never quiet. Haha XD.
At the end of the day, it was really nice though. Because of uh... idk let's call him Chouchou~ (it means "pet" in French, and he's totes my pet ^^) . He took me "bread shopping" after going on and on about how he didn't like bread. LOL. I mean it's really nice when you're having a bad day, and then your friend acts all stupid, bat-shit funny on you xD. He came and saved my day unintentionally though~. Chouchou is that kind of friend who just makes you go "what the fuck? XD" the entire day because he just says the darnest things. haha.
Chouchou and I went to visit Pari-chan, bought some breadd (he forced me to buy bread because he "didnt want to be the only one buying stuff" xD), and semi-prank called Luka-chan. LOL. It was amazing :P.
OH. And last Friday was my one month anniversary with Nairb ♥♥♥.
The gift he decided to give me was himself. And I was like "OMGG. SO HAPPY~ I'll cherish 'it' forever ;w;". And my gift to him was myself. LOL. I put a gift bow on my face and everything. XD. We're an amazing couple. legits =w=b.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Bad Girlfriend
I feel like I'm a really bad girlfriend. LOL.
I mean I can be a good one at times, but most of the time, I think I'm pretty bad. Haha. Why does my boyfriend stay with mehh? I don't know. If girls can learn to date douches, then guys can too! XD.
Haha. It's like...he can never win a debate. He's always insulted. I refuse to share him. He's not allowed to insult me. I don't believe in his compliments. LOL. I make him hold onto my stuff. I quite often twist his words. I slap him. I dont allow retaliation. I get jealous easily. I "borrow" his stuff. I complain ...a lot. I pinch his cheeks... a lot. I sometimes expect him to solve my problems. LOL. This is just going downhill so fast XD;;. I practically abuse the poor boy.
Most of the time I'm just joking or teasing, but it must really suck for Nairb... like I was thinking about it today, and I just realized, I'm like really terrible ;A;.
Like the worst thing I've done so far happened today. I was on the subway going home today, and going home with Nairb is like the only time I ever really get to be with him since we don't have classes together, and that's still only 30-40 minutes. Anyways, my other friends was on the subway with us as well. Now here's the "pun". Instead of sitting next to my boyfriend and spending that little half hour with him, I gave him my book bag and went to talk with my friends on the other side of the subway cart. TT________TT. OH MY GOSH. THAT SOUNDS SO BAD. I was like doing homework, about to fall asleep, and this thought suddenly came to me.
I would love to explain myself with many excuses, (as in the process of trying to make myself feel better, I've came up with many) but if I say anything, it will just sound like excuses. OTL.
One of my excuses though is that I'm uncomfortable with verbal affection for guys. OMG. IDKY but I can totally tell a girl that's she's sexy and has a nice ass without any trouble at all. BUT. when it comes to telling my boyfriend the phrase, "I like you," I can't say it without it sounding weird or something. OTL. Verbal affection to my boyfriend makes me feel so awkward >3<;;.
So in conclusion, I'm terrible. LOL. I'd like to hope I'm not completely bad though. xD;.
I mean, I'm the kind of nice girlfriend who puts cute notes in his locker and whatnot ^_____^.... but that's all I do. That's all I can do. OTL. because it's hard to say things face to face ;A;.
So I'm like sad.... xD;; because.... I suck D;
I mean I can be a good one at times, but most of the time, I think I'm pretty bad. Haha. Why does my boyfriend stay with mehh? I don't know. If girls can learn to date douches, then guys can too! XD.
Haha. It's like...he can never win a debate. He's always insulted. I refuse to share him. He's not allowed to insult me. I don't believe in his compliments. LOL. I make him hold onto my stuff. I quite often twist his words. I slap him. I dont allow retaliation. I get jealous easily. I "borrow" his stuff. I complain ...a lot. I pinch his cheeks... a lot. I sometimes expect him to solve my problems. LOL. This is just going downhill so fast XD;;. I practically abuse the poor boy.
Most of the time I'm just joking or teasing, but it must really suck for Nairb... like I was thinking about it today, and I just realized, I'm like really terrible ;A;.
Like the worst thing I've done so far happened today. I was on the subway going home today, and going home with Nairb is like the only time I ever really get to be with him since we don't have classes together, and that's still only 30-40 minutes. Anyways, my other friends was on the subway with us as well. Now here's the "pun". Instead of sitting next to my boyfriend and spending that little half hour with him, I gave him my book bag and went to talk with my friends on the other side of the subway cart. TT________TT. OH MY GOSH. THAT SOUNDS SO BAD. I was like doing homework, about to fall asleep, and this thought suddenly came to me.
I would love to explain myself with many excuses, (as in the process of trying to make myself feel better, I've came up with many) but if I say anything, it will just sound like excuses. OTL.
One of my excuses though is that I'm uncomfortable with verbal affection for guys. OMG. IDKY but I can totally tell a girl that's she's sexy and has a nice ass without any trouble at all. BUT. when it comes to telling my boyfriend the phrase, "I like you," I can't say it without it sounding weird or something. OTL. Verbal affection to my boyfriend makes me feel so awkward >3<;;.
So in conclusion, I'm terrible. LOL. I'd like to hope I'm not completely bad though. xD;.
I mean, I'm the kind of nice girlfriend who puts cute notes in his locker and whatnot ^_____^.... but that's all I do. That's all I can do. OTL. because it's hard to say things face to face ;A;.
So I'm like sad.... xD;; because.... I suck D;
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