Sorry for Being Ugly

I haven't posted in forever @___@ //shot.
No excuses today, just going to get to the point with my post~ :D. (I'ma try and stay on topic for once this time. lol xD).

I'm debating on whether to talk about my decreasing happiness or the great books I'm reading lately. I'm leaning towards writing the review on my books since I really don't like talking about my feelings. But I suppose I'll talk about my feelings instead (because I think you care more about how I feel than my stupid books? //shot. that's conceited thinking. xD;;)

LOL first of all, don't worry~. By "decreasing happiness", I don't mean I'm going into some crazy depression or something. (I repeat: I'm not going into any kind of depression). I personally feel it's a waste of time to be sad. Like the saying goes: a second spent on sadness, is a second you'll never get back~. With this strong belief in that phrase (it's literally became one of my life mottos), I'm usually a happy-go-lucky girl who has stars in my eyes. However, things haven't been that easy anymore. I can't just move on from something that bothers me as simply as I did before. Whatever bothers me buries itself into my mind, and forces me to constantly think about it longer than I should. I've turned a bit sour because of all this negativity. I don't like that. It's not right to be so upset and mad all the time. Makes me look very ugly. (explanation: I believe people look most beautiful when happy and smiling. so my sourness and generally bitchy mood makes me feel ugly.)

I don't know if it's because I haven't been sleeping well lately (mostly because of all the homework. I should really stop procrastinating ;A;). Or perhaps it's something else. I vaguely talked about it to my dad earlier. He says it's because I'm growing. ...=___= lamest reason ever. My dad always says that's the reason for everything. Supposedly since I'm growing, I'm noticing things more often. I'm seeing things in a different light or something like that. And according to him, because I'm able to see things in a wider scope, I start to see the more negative things in life as well.

Personally, I really don't like that ^ ^;;. I like being able to see things how I see things. No need to change. I'm able to understand things, and control how I feel. But now, it's different. I can't control my feelings. I feel myself slowly slipping away as every lil' imperfection starts to piss me off. I've let it seethed out a few times this week; anger that is. Pari-chan pointed it out once ^ ^;. I snapped at something (I forgot what) for no apparent reason, and she was surprised. People don't usually see me mad. I've been able to carefully cover up and hide away that part of me; the aggressive and wild part. To start to lose control like this makes me worried. Like I've mentioned before, I'm quite the tough cookie... so I can cause a lot of damage if I'm not careful >_________>.

So yea, basically this is what has been on my mind for like a day or two... At the moment, I won't name what I've seen in this new negative scope of mine... because that might cause problems. I don't want problems right now :T I've had to deal with enough of those already (some I haven't been able to completely fix yet xP). But my hint to what's been bugging me lately is: people. People are annoying as hell. I love people for they are interesting and deep creatures. But sometimes, they can be a real pain in the ass xP.
(ps. the person I'm about to talk about is a separate issue. and not apart of the people that I am talking about above.)
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On a side note, I decided to just let you know that Gleek-kun and I aren't friends anymore. Yea, it was decided awhile ago, but I've decided to make it official by stating it on my blog (which doesn't really mean anything xD but it just feels official to me). For those long time readers, you might have wondered where Gleek-kun had went (he was spamming my comment section for awhile there). Now you know why. We've had some differences, so we decided to not be friends anymore. LOL yea, he decided to go back to the elementary school ways, and went all "I'm not going to be your friend anymore" on me. To be honest, I didn't really care. Gleek-kun didn't act like much of a friend to me anyways. No respect for me at all. Treated me like a dog. Doesn't know his boundaries. So yea, not too upset about this whole "Gleek-kun issue".
He can really annoy me though. The stupid guy doesn't want to be my friend anymore, yet he constantly tries to talk to me. I dislike it when people can't make up their minds -__-. He also continues to act so trivial by pretending to ignore me (ex. like saying hi to everyone around me, but me) and things like that.
But Gleek-kun, if you're reading this, I must honestly say that I don't care. It's not that easy to make me feel guilty, especially for something that I didn't do. It was all you who caused this. Don't expect me to go begging to be your friend again.
I don't know what he's trying to do lately though. He's been publicly displaying his dislike towards me. For example in class today, we were talking about our dreams. His dream was to keep in contact with everyone except me. Dunno if he's trying to upset me or embarrass me. He's really only embarrassing himself though by acting so childish. Nobody really knew what was going on, and everyone thought he dissed me or something.  Ha! I'd really prefer him to not contact me... like ever. never ever.

I'm probably not being the best person by saying these things about Gleek-kun (especially when he might be reading this), but I'm really getting sick and tired of this guy! I don't know what his problem is, but he's really getting on my nerves lately D<. I wanted to be the better person, and let him go on babbling like an idiot about his little issues with me. No more! Now he's just whining. The guy has really gotta learn when to just move on. Just leave me alone already!

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..........er- >______> sorry...me ranting on like this is probably showing a deeper, uglier side of me. i really hate this side of me, but i just needed to get this out.

people are stupid. end of story.