Huzzah to Crappy Anniversaries *insert sad smile and shoulder shrug

Last night was probably the worst night out of my sixteen years of living. I'm not even being dramatic. Lol I'm a pretty happy person, so I have actually never really had a bad night. I feel like if there were gods, I had just got my ass smited. It was as if the fates set me on that path, and I tried everything to think it was otherwise.

My friend was going to see her boyfriend Friday, but it ended up going pretty badly for her because she was unable to go. She was looking forward to the day for the whole week; her excitement building up and growing. Only for that excitement to collapse all around her into bitter sadness, as he caused for her to not go. She tried to talk to me about it, but I couldn't see the point of being so upset. I think I was kind of harsh even because to be honest, I found it to be irrational. I didn't understand.

Somewhat coincidentally, I was seeing my boyfriend Saturday (today) as I stated earlier it's our anniversary today. However... last night, he tells me "Hey, I didn't start my homework. Can't go tomorrow". Just thinking of it infuriates me!  Who the hell goes on a skii trip for three days, play League of Legends the next few days, and then goes to a late night church party, but has the audacity to casually be like 'oh, i can't go to see you on our anniversary because i have bad organization and planning'. Bam. I was smited. It's like karma for not treating my friend with more sincerity ;A;. I planned for two weeks and got all excited. I feel like a fool. I started to cry the moment he started telling me he couldn't go. I had this bitter feeling he wouldn't before, but I wanted to have faith he would come. I feel like with his 'bad planning' he never really planned on going anyways or at least didn't place as much importance on it. I don't know, I'm sixteen and wild. I couldn't really believe I'd stick with ONE guy for a whole year. I mean especially having a family where my aunt tells me things like "Dat a boy for the school year, dump him in the summer to have some free time, and get a new boyfriend next school year" or my dad who tells me about his many girlfriends in high school. So for me, liking a guy for a whole year straight is a pretty big deal. I think I really love this boy or as close as teenage emotions can get to love! So my excitement crashed around me into bitter sadness as well. smited.

Now I'm watching chick flicks and wandering why I'm so damn loyal to this boy.
boys are stupid. i feel stupid. this is stupid.

It was a really bad night. I kind of wanted to break up with him right then and there. I've been kind of wanting to for a few days now. Thinking my feelings aren't enough to power this relationship. My actions are strong. His are half baked; feeling like he treats as a "close" friend but not a girlfriend.
I wouldn't say we fought. We're mature enough to talk it out. He calls for a break. It was like he didn't even wanted to fight to keep me. Flat out "Let's take a break" using the excuse that he wants best for me and whatnot.

I feel that... the reason this feels tough on me is that it's kind of happened to me before... kind of... in a vague sense. Boy I like rejects me on Valentine's day. LOL. life. I don't know, I'm actually still really good friends with said boy XD. Besides that though, now as it afternoon/evening (when all this BS break stuff happened at like 2 in the morning), he tells me he doesn't want a break. what is wrong with boys? T^T. I told him I wanted a break now >:T
I don't know. Maybe a few days without each other, we can learn to appreciate each other again?
He initially said a week, I changed it to two days with the recent decision of him not wanting it. LOL. two days can work? ;w;. I don't know, I don't want a break but my woman instincts tell me it's needed :c I don't know. I just don't want him to think he can easily just run back to me Dx because then this problem will just happen again.

I feel like I will either get bitter or my "cool" won't last and just love him more x___x;;.

-why do i post these personal things-

Update On... Well, My Life!

Haven't posted in eons. Lots to share. So here I go!

Extra Curricular Life
I've been mostly spending my time with my new blog JTUD (Journey To the Unknown Destination). Please read and go check it out! :D I'm working really hard! lol
I have to say, working with my mentor is really exciting! I get to work at a place called the FlatIron School. It's a really awesome place!  My mentor, Sara J Chipps, is really nice and awesome! (subscribe to her KittieBots!! ) She also introduces me to her coworkers, and they're awesome too. lool. Everything there is really cool. They have funky chairs and white-board tables and giant computers and projectors.
The Subway next door is my savior because I always find myself rushing out the door to get to the place (it's an hour travel time haha). However, I tried going to someplace across the street today. It was super yummy and the service was nice too! ...except, I think the server tried hitting on me LOL. (cuz I'm just so beautiful. Just kidding! XD hahaa...). Then on my way back to the building, this pamphlet distributor guy came up to me, and was like "Do you wanna tour the statue of liberty" and I'm like "No thank you". Then he wouldn't leave me alone LOL Started asking me if I worked around the area, and I really didn't want to explain my whole mentor-apprenticeship thing. It's really none of his business anyway LOL so I just said "Yeaa.....(lets go with that lol)". Then he asked me out to lunch. ((THE SINGLE BE THIRSTY. LOL. I told my single friend that, and he got upset with me XD. idk. I'm sorry)) I kindly declined the pamphlet guy, and ran into my building. hahaa....... is it just me, or is it really uncomfortable to be hit on? Not trying to show off or anything, but idk I'm young and it makes me nervous Dx. Anyways, my Intel project is going really well! Meeting all these different kinds of people and having the experience of these travels are amazing. The freedom ;w;. The hopes of the future. The memories.

Current Love Life
This Saturday (Feb 22) is my one year anniversary with my boyfriend!!
We're just going to hang out at my house and watch movies :)
I really do love him ^____^ or whatever you want to call this warm, fuzzy feeling in me that makes me just wanna run through a field of flowers screaming for joy.
I mean it does get rough between us (I mean it has been a year after all). We just get sick of each other sometimes, but we usually figure it out in the end :)
He's really the best! Deals with all my female moody troubles and loves me despite all flaws. He doesn't try to fix me, and that's what I love the most. (lol... well, he is a super tryhard in the fixing dept. when it comes to League of Legends though.... but boys will be boys XD). I mean there are things I like and don't like, but that's normal in everyone. My biggest problem is always thinking I'm not good enough. I don't know. Despite how confident I am, whenever it comes to opening myself up, I'm scared the one I love won't accept what's inside :c ...yea, deep stuff, but... it's how I feel.
On a more happier note, haha, I'm reallyyy excited to see him Saturday! It's mid-winter break right now, so I haven't seen him in FOREVER (*cough. cue in that one person to say "it's only been 7 days..."). Honestly, I'm just so addicted to the happiness he brings me that even a weekend apart makes me die from missing him. ♥

School Life
LOL. Like I don't even want to talk about this. I'm doing pretty okay, I guess. My only grade in the 80s is AP Human Geography (but that's because I have the crappiest memory in this world), but it's only like an 88-89ish. just need that 0.5 on my 89 to get that 90 ;w; plsplspls.On my midtermss, I think someone replaced my brain for the whole midterms week because all of them were in the 80s. I don't know why, but when it comes to test, my brain shuts off and gets substituted by a dummy. EXCEPT MY ENGLISH WAS A 98. omg. English is just my favorite most loved subject in the world ♥♥♥.

I feel like I'm going to die in Junior year. I'm hoping to take AP Java, AP US history, AP Psychology, and Intel.

Life in General
I feel poor .___.
Spending money to take train to mentor. Spending money to buy clothes (i think i hav an addiction). Spending money to buy birthday gifts. Spending money to buy food. Spending money on cake (i totes hav an addiction). Spending money on things I want in general.
Money is too big of a part in life LOL.

I'm facing fashion bipolar-ness. I can't choose between punky tomboy or cutie-pie girly as my style. I find myself constantly switching between the two. what is identity? what is style? LOL. My ripped jeans and rockin' black vest or my pink glasses and lace-y shirts. Haha #TeenageGirl.

I LEARNED TO CROCHET. it's so amazing. I make hats. I make scarves as gifts. I make couple scarves for my love and I. ♥ It's such a fun hobby. IM SO SAD THOUGH. I found this perfect yarn store. And as I finally found her, turns out, she's going out of business by the end of this February. fate is cruel ;A;. I bought like a pound of yarn for $10. that's amazing.

LoL - Romanov and Sasha

LOL. THIS IS WHAT I DO WITH MY FREETIME. WUT? XD

I'm Sasha. Boyfriend is Romanov.
hardcore game roleplay. XD

idk.... XD i feel stupid. lol.

League of Legends is killing my time. haha.

The Programming World Greets Me

So, after years and years of my dad trying to convince me to start programming, I've finally decided to start. He's a computer programmer for a living, and sees immense benefit for me to start getting into it. mainly the positive factors being the numerous new opportunities it provides and undiscovered regions it contains.

I'm learning C# so far. The "C# Fundamentals: Development for Absolute Beginners" on Microsoft Virtual Academy is really helping me get there. haha. Easy step-by-step from the ground up videos beautifully set up for the public to watch. I love the internet! XD Hoping to later begin to learn basic application building from there.

This is something I'm really serious about doing though! Haha, unlike before when I said I'd inspiringly learn the piano or violin or something like that. I'm one hard to motivate. xD //shhh. The determination is set because I'm taking a class basically for Intel STS at my school (the class is called Physical Science Research, but we hopefully lead into Intel. lol).

I haven't been blogging much, but maybe I'll start talking about my programming travels. haha.

So far, I've started on the first two videos of the C# Fundamentals (hopefully I'll get done with more tonight though >3<...). AND IT'S SO FRUSTTRATING. LOL. The second video starts to actually begin the coding stuff of C#, by teaching to first work with the Notepad to make "Hello World" pop up. I followed everything the guy said, and it didn't work for some reason. I don't know why, and I became enraged. I'm going to try until it works! My dad tried to make me feel better by saying using Notepad is harder than using an actual program thing (don't know terms yet, so I'll be saying "thing" a lot in the beginning xD...). BUT I DONT CARE. If someone else can do it, I want to as well! lol plus, school computers have Notepad, so I want to be able to figure it out. I have access to a computer during like three periods of the day. haha. Not only am I taking a Physical Science Research course, but a computer science one as well. (and chemistry. why the fawk am I taking three sciences as a sophomore? idk. I'm crazy lol). Anyways, tonight I'm going to try again.

I tried doing it on the Visual Studio (this program thing from Microsoft) as well, but it turned out I got the web edition when I was supposed to get the desktop version. (ehehh ^^;;). so I got frustrated with that too, and didn't make much progress. LOL I thought I was just dumb, and programming didn't like me because I couldn't make it do the simplest thing of saying "Hello World". sigh.

I'm going to figure it out tonight, and post some more ;w;. because I want it to say Hello to meeeee.

Easy to Win. Hard to Keep.

My heart will instantly swoon for any guy for any one of the reasons below:

1. Laughs at my jokes.
2. Compliments me in anything (appearance, wits, ability, etc.)
3. Pretends that he cares when I ramble on (about things like my love for bakery goods).
4. Has nice, warm, big hugs!
5. Can smolder like Flynn Rider from Tangled. XD LOL.
6. Makes me laugh three times in one sentence.
7. Dresses stylishly. B-)
8. Brings me into daring, spontaneous situations (that doesn't kill me and are fun).
9. Spams corny lines at me.
10. Attempts to catch fuzzies on the street. ♥
11. Loves children.
12. Can match my witty, sassy remarks. But still lets me win.
13. Has gorgeous hair ;w;
14. Has green eyes
15. Is positive and outgoing :D

LOL. Nairb has like 10 of the 15 :) ....unsure about number 5. so its 10 or 11. XD. But that's more than 60%, so that's why he's my boyfriend~. (66%, but shhh). hehee.

Buuut, although I fall in love easily, it's really super duper difficult for me to stay in love with someone. particularly boys. LOL I can lovee any guurl forevs. Only reason why I'd stop is if she backstabbed me or took my last cookie. It's hard for me to continuously love a guy for a long time is because one little thing can make me wanna just drop them like nothing. It could be because I got bored~ or something about them totally went against my principles or I found an annoying trait I just can't stand. I can fall for you easy, and I can stand back up easy.

Keeping Emiko goes as follows:

1. Surprise me. Be spontaneous. Become too predictable, and it's an O-U-T.
2. Keep my confidence level up. LOL Make me feel like shit, and I'm out the door.
3. Don't be too much smarter than me. Don't be too much dumber than me.
4. Work like you have to win me over everyday. LOL I like feeling special. xD
5. Be as loyal as I am to you :O
6. Always compete to love me more than I do you.
7. Pay attention. Listen. Remember what I tell you. I feel like I'm talking to bricks if you forget.
8. Talk to me when I'm mad. Talk to me when you think I might be mad (because I probably am).

I'm pretty sure there's more, but I can't think of any.

I've only had 2 (official) relationships so far. Second one is going pretty awesome. Dun wanna say how many Nairb has on the "ways to keep me" list, but he's doing a great job at it. I've learned a few rules along the way though.

•  Cut off date is two months. Plenty of time to get to know someone. Feeling half-assed at two months? Then it's not worth my time.
• Wait at least two weeks before kissing the guy :o because kissing anywhere in between that time, the relationship is totally going to be physical base. I personally want something meaningful. a mix of passion and compassion.
• If he loves saying your name all the time, whenever he can, then he's gonna be special.

This is all in my opinion, of course.
I still don't know much because not many of my friends have experienced relationships. It's all information gathered from my own experience. lol. disclaimer.

Movie Credits

I'm one of those weird people who like reading the ending movie credits. Mostly because I like seeing all the different names people have. Specifically the last names because I don't know many last names. I like watching the credits for a few minutes or so and finding my favorite last name. I like looking for ones that I think are funny or cool. hard to pronounce or figuring out their ethnic origin.

I think I like looking at the names because it helps coming up with characters for stories. I always have trouble with the name part of writing.

I have yet to find a friend who shares this same interest. Haha. I don't know why, but it makes me feel kind of lonely. Because I'll watch a movie with a friend, share my favorite, and watch them just walk away. Plus, the theater is dark and playing the ending music, so it adds to the lonely effect.

It's All About the Mush Today

OH MI GOOODNESS.
TODAY. AUGUST 22, 2013. MARKS SIX MONTHS OF DATING NAIRB. ;w;

like woahh. I'm actually quite proud of myself since I didn't think I was the type to settle down for so long XD. hehe.

I haven't talked much about our relationship lately (which is surprising since I totally kiss-and-tell), but that's because I have Rinny to talk it out with so my blog got outta the loop XD. For six months though, I got to share why I love this boy so much!

It'd be hard to put why I love him in a few words or paragraphs. I love basically almost everything about him! Hehe. "Almost" because I must admit, he does have his flaws. Like he tends to ramble a lot, in ways where he says all the wrong things and sometimes upsets me. he likes to sing in the middle of our conversations. and Nairb falls asleep way too soon during late night conversations.

But as these flaws do frustrate me at times, I can see the brighter side of it as well.
He rambles because he's nervous around me. constantly trying. adorable. great when he actually finds the right words.
He's a really great singer. LOL. I can always continue what I was saying after the entertainment xD. because his voice is so soft and sweet and MUCH better than mine LOL.
And google tells me that people fall asleep in mid conversation in late night talks because they feel so comforted by you that they fall asleep XD. hahaaa.

Nah. that was supposed to sound adoring and everything. but it didn't come off that way, huh?

Anyways, all jokes and flaws aside, there are sosoo many reasons why this relationship has last this long and continues to strive. through thick and thin and all the mess. Because when I'm with him it's like the world disappears. All I want is to hear him talk to me, have his arms around me, and see his smile. We could be sitting in the boys clothing department in Target, and still make it the most romantic place in the world XD. It's all about the feeels.

OH! besides the feels, there's the fact that he's very stubborn. persistent. and tries hard. at everything. I love that about him. I could be upset about something and not willing to share, but he'll get it out of me if it's the last thing he does. lol. Nairb is the kind of guy who will push himself to carry heavy me bridal style down the street and to the movie theaters despite it being quite the rigorous workout. hahaa XD. I think that's amazing. He laughs at all my jokes, challenges my thoughts, and thinks of me as his one and only. Doesn't get overly jealous, but jealous enough. Wants nothing but my happiness, and puts my feelings first (most of the time. all of the time?). The boy even stops in the middle of walking to catch a fuzzy (those little cotton stuff that floats in the air)! It's all the little things. and all the big things. That added up, makes for the most amazing guy ever. Nairb.

If you saw Nairb and I, you'd instantly see how we're a good couple. Haha. And I'm not just saying that from opinion. I've been told so. xD
I can sit here all day naming all the reasons why I've come to love Nairb. all the little moments we've shared that'd make you go "aww" and have your hearts feeling all hopeful and loving.
But I have to go play Tetris with my family. LOL.